July 6, 2009

potato, potahto

I put Ivy in the church nursery yesterday!

Ok, the whole truth? I stayed in there, too.


It was the first Sunday I was scheduled to serve in there as a nursery worker and my main job turned out to be keeping Ivy away from the other babies. Even though she was the youngest and obviously the cutest (heheh just kidding) (oh no I did not just say that outloud) she was a terror. Thankfully everyone made it out alive and mostly unharmed.


I'm still kind of new-ish at our church, meeting people a little more as I go and when it was revealed that I don't even have a crib for Ivy at home, the other ladies looked at each other and were like, oh that explains a lot.

"That's not good." and "No wonder she's so attached to you."
And they gave each other looks and muttered I could never do that.

Normally, despite how comfortable I am about our parenting choices, this would have stung at least a little. I might try to laugh it off or defend myself politely and informatively.


But this day? I didn't feel a thing and I didn't say a word.

And my reaction, or non-reaction as it so happened, felt kinda good.


I didn't need to explain myself or rattle off the benefits of attachment parenting. These people obviously think differently and that's ok. That's
their thing. I do my thing. You do your thing.

How silly that I ever let myself feel anything about it otherwise.

It was awesome.



Ivy loved her first fourth of July, including the fireworks. Especially the fireworks.

We had such a splendid time that I didn't even
think about interrupting the moment by digging my camera out from the bottom of my bag in the dark and trying to get the perfect picture.

Who am I kidding? Of
course I dug out my camera and caught what I could of those moments of wonder.


It was awesome.


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50 comments:

  1. Amen. Wish I'd learned that lesson long ago. Heck, wish I had that lesson down pat NOW. ;-)

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  3. Good for you! So proud to hear you take a stand for what works for you! I wish we all felt a little more comfortable doing our thing, to not let other people's comments/looks in our direction bother us. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  4. Good for you! I remember when I stopped letting others get under my skin for my parenting choices. Secretly, I felt sorry for "their" kids as I watched Zane grow into the super-independent kid he is. Unafraid to do new things because he isn't focusing on pleasing his mother or trying to get her attention. He knows she's pleased and knows she's paying attention to him.

    And, honest to God, watching Jessica nurse our grandson without a care in the world, without the uncomfortableness I felt inside when I first started nursing Zane...I feel like I was a role model. For the first time in my life I feel as if I made a positive impact on her decisions as a mother. I hesitate to take credit for her decisions and I'm not really, I think I was a positive influence on those decisions.

    And your children will thank you one day for this change. Maybe not in words, but you'll see it. I'm so proud of you! (((hugs)))

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  5. Good for you! And I tried my hardest to get pictures of the boys watching the fireworks, but it just didn't work. I'm glad to know I'm not the only crazy one trying to take pictures of fireworks in the dark...haha

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  6. Yep! I pretty much keep my natural and parenting beliefs to myself. It somehow seems to put a wedge between moms. I think like you... "I do my thing and you do yours and that's ok!" I don't know why many can't overlook such things and find what we have in common as moms struggling to raise our kids and move on! That's what I try to do...

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  7. Funny how no one ever says, "oh, so that is why your kids are terrors/attached/not attached etc" when they sleep in their own beds. lol

    Nell

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  8. I like that attitud. I do my thing and you do yours. And kids get raised. And loved.

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  9. I hope I learn that lesson early on, because it sounds like it's going to save you alot of angst =) Good for you!

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  10. I love this post. So much wisdom and truth. I am full of admiration for people who practice attachment parenting. I am struggling with some combination of different methods and have no idea what I'm doing. Stick to what works for you!

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  11. good for you. It's all good. People were telling me the same things- I know- it can be hard- but this is yr life. xoxooxox

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  12. Oh, I am right there with you. I have never left either of my kids in the nursery at church, and my oldest is 3!
    I tried going to "sunday school" with her and staying the whole time. It worked out alright for several weeks, I guess, until the day when Hudson (the baby) needed a diaper change. I told Libby that I needed to change Hudson's diaper, and she started crying quite loudly. She thought I was leaving her in the room and going somewhere else to change the diaper and she became quite panicked. I reassured her that I wasn't leaving the room, that I would change him right there. She calmed down and I looked around just in time to see the looked exchanged between the two "teachers." That, eye-roll-look-at-that-spoiled-child-all-she-has-to-do-is-cry-and-she-gets-what-she-wants kind of look. When in reality, the thought of being left alone with these two strange women without the safety of Mama was absolutely terrifying to my then 2 year old. The icing on the cake and why I just don't even take her anymore happened when we were leaving. The second round of people/kids were coming in, and a dad dropped his son (who was the same age as Libby at the time, so 2) off with one of the teachers, and he immediately started screaming and crying uncontrollably. The dad just turned around and left, and the poor baby boy continued to scream. For a brief moment the teacher looked out with an embarrassed look on her face and she and I made eye contact, and with my eyes I told her, "and you think I'm the bad parent because I don't make my daughter cry for me." We haven't been back to sunday school. Fortunately, my church has a quiet room right off the sanctuary and we just make ourselves comfy there every week.

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  13. good for you!

    someone made a weird comment to me about my attachment parenting yesterday at church, too. i chose to take it as a compliment and happily moved on. =)

    kinda wish i would've run back into the house to get my camera, but decided i'd spoil the moment too much. why didn't i put it in my bag?!

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  14. It must feel great to be so comfortable with your parenting and choices! Way to go, Momma!

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  15. Good for you!

    And I totally took photos of my son's first fourth also!

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  16. yesterday was my first time serving @ our church's nursery too! my baby's 2nd time. the nursery is the place u realize there are different styles of mothering ;)

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  17. Why do people have to put in their 2 cents, why? I would never say anything like that to someone because they HAD a crib!

    Glad you had a nice weekend!

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  18. I am sorry that the church nursery workers voiced their opinion. Everyone has different views of parenting. We will not do attachment parenting, but are happy for those who do, as I would want AP's to be happy for us. That is how the world works. We won't always see eye to eye, but we need to be polite about it. You handled yourself well!

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  19. You should never feel bad or need to defend your parenting decisions to any other parents. Ever.

    I'm very happy to hear that you didn't, nor did you feel that you needed to at that moment.

    What works for you, may not work for others and vise versa. That's how the world works. As long as Ivy is doing wonderful like she is...no worries.

    :D

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  20. I continue to be amazed by how rude and judgmental people can be about parenting choices. Now that I am pregnant with my third child, complete strangers feel the need to come up to us in public and say things like, "How many are you going for?" and "You're sure going to have your hands full." I just let it roll off me. My girls are great kids and we have a wonderful family. I always tell my friends who are having babies that they should do what's right for them and not listen to anyone else's opinion. Only they will know what is best for their child. What they choose to do may not be what I choose to do, but THAT IS OKAY! :)

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  21. Because being attached is a bad thing...ok.

    Love that she loved the show...

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  22. I LOVE it when no ugly feelings come up! It's true that it means I'm comfortable and secure in my very own decisions. You know, becoming a grown-up and stuff :)

    And I love the look of wonder on her face in the photo. She's so lovely.

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  23. Awww...I'm glad she had fun in the church nursery. :) That's neat that you weren't bothered by what other people said - I ALWAYS feel like I have to explain myself, like why does my son STILL take 2 naps a day when he's 19 months old, etc. :) Although we are attempting to switch to one this week. Maybe. :)

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  24. Since Ella, my 5 month old is attached to my hip and is not a fan of other people holding her...i get that ALL the time...especially from family...its annoying that liking your kid enough to want to be with them all the time is a bad thing...oh well...what can you do...also people try to tell me to let her get used to other people by forcing her to and screaming...how is that good...ok done rambling...thanks for sharing so i know i am not the only one!!

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  25. I've gotten some not nice comments about the parenting choices we've picked for our son. He's only 18 months. You think they would at least give me until he's older to see if I've really screwed him up.
    I've come to remind myself (and a few noisy others) that while I might be the ideal parent for their child, I am the ideal parent for my child. God made me his mom for a reason.

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  26. Good for you!! I always get all flustered and try to defend myself and then think of all the smart things I should have said after the conversation is over.

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  27. To be faced with foolish judgment and not feel a thing...what a wonderful moment :)

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  28. Good for you!!! So many people take offense (or give offense) over these 'potato, potahto' issues. It's not my thing either, but it TOTALLY works for you and your family, and that's what matters....I'd challenge anyone who give you (or another mother) a hard time to find a one-size-fits-all style of parenting. CAN'T BE DONE! :)

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  29. I'm glad you managed to not FEEL anything like upset over it. It's one thing just to not SAY anything, it's a whole new step to not FEEL it when people are critical.
    I think one of the reasons I love reading your blog is that you and I (and everyone else on the planet) does things differently. I don't consider my style of parenting "attachment parenting" but I sure do love my sling and my daughter sure did sleep with me for a lot more months than I ever would have been OK with when my son was a baby. I trend in that direction on some parenting choices, but basically find my own ways that work for me and my kids, somewhere in the middle of a battlefield of opinions. And that feels right to me, just like your choices feel right to you.
    Wouldn't it be nice if we as mommies could lay down our own insecurities, just listen and learn about the ways others do things, gleen what we want from it, and then go forward with our own broods, minus all the angst?

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  30. I'm taking this quote from another site (Amy's Humble Musings) who also get it from cumberland books site by Rick Saenz. It is about wisdom and written in reference to pitch correction (as in music) but it really can apply to just about anything. "I do my thing...you do your thing.." love it.

    "Wisdom does not choose a particular approach and champion it over the alternatives. Instead, wisdom works to understand the pros and cons of each individual choice. It looks to understand how particular choices interact to produce results, sometimes unexpected ones. It considers how wishful thinking can lead us to make poor choices, hoping that things will somehow turn out for the best. It distinguishes between practical matters and pragmatism. It recognizes that when no perfect path is available and knowledge is incomplete, it is often helpful to reserve judgment on what appear to be poor choices that others have made. Most important, it does not refuse to participate in projects that are less than ideal, but applies itself to bring whatever improvements it can to whatever circumstances present themselves."

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  31. Good for you! To not feel anything. That is the accomplishment I think. I've been in the same situation many a times and felt as though I was thrown in a snake pit.

    It looks like Ivy was in awe of the fireworks!

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  32. So glad the mean mommies don't get to you. I can't believe they'd be so judgmental in church... ugh.

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  33. I didn't read everyone else's comments but we don't own or use a crib either! Though I never felt like I had to explain my choices, I think that I wasn't tired all the time spoke volumes for me ;) Because usually after someone learned we didn't have a crib they would ask how many times a night I got woke up. I was a sleep nurser, so my answer was usually never or once! HA

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  34. I think it's only when we are completely comfortable and secure with our choices that we don't feel the sting when someone judges us or feel the need to defend ourselves when we feel judged. Good for you for being in that place! :)

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  35. I love this. With Luke, I remember getting so in a tizzy when people would question breastfeeding or cosleeping or not circ'ing, and it happened pretty often with my in-laws. I always knew that all that mattered was that I knew I was doing what *I* thought was best for my child and forget the rest, but sometimes, it was hard to keep that in perspective.

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  36. So glad that the church ladies didn't get to you. It's just beyond me how different the views of others are and how they want to inflict them upon us.

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  37. I learned that lesson a couple of kids ago, it is just so freeing isn't it? Everyone parents so differently and we each have inspiration from God as to how each child needs to be parented. I love it. I am glad that you realized that also and are just so comfortable with your awesome skills ;)

    I am impressed that Ivy stayed awake for the fireworks. Liberty just nursed/slept through the whole thing. It might have had something to do with the fact that she was freaking exhausted.

    Oh by the way, Libby told me to tell you to tell Ivy that she can't wait to play at BlogHer and that she is probably going to try to knock Ivy over with hugs and kisses.

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  38. Oh Don't I know how how you feel... isn't it funny how the place where one should feel least judged (judge not lest you be judged and all that) we feel the most judged!!!

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  39. Good for you. I don't have a crib either, and people think that Alyssa is "spoiled" because of it. I really hate that word.

    Just because a person has a crib, doesn't make them better or worse. We're all different, and all do different thing, when it comes to our children.

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  40. Wait!?! They thought that Ivy being attached to you was a BAD thing? How strange!

    It never ceases to amaze me how judgemental people are.

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  41. I've noticed that other mothers can be the most critical of parenting styles. It's kind of sad that we can't just support each other in this very huge endeavor. I go to a tiny church, and the older women in the church are actually the most supportive of my attachment parenting choices.
    Glad you've found such peace. :)

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  42. That is great that you aren't letting others get to you. Good for you for being confident in the mom you are. I wish I could take a lesson. I am trying, really trying. My family are the ones that get to me though. I could give a rat's butt what others really think but my mom's opinions (read: criticisms) really bug me.

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  43. my youngest (of 3) is 2 months i don't have a crib set up for her either. just can't stand the thought of not snuggling with her every night :)

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  44. Our crib has never been used... it's a glorified cat bed, with no sheets and clothing stacked in it.

    I get the weird looks when I mention this, the 'you'll be sorry' glances and I just shake it off.

    I know what we have and I love it!

    Good for you!!

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  45. Heh. My mom gave me an awesome book on this topic ("Parenting Is Your Highest Calling: And Eight Other Myths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt")

    It is so nice when thoughtless comments cease to sting. I used to get into situations where people made similarly judgmental comments (not about parenting yet) and they would really hurt. Romans 8:1 ("In Christ there is no condemnation") actually helped me a great deal - remembering that I do not need the approval of anyone but my heavenly father!

    I think it is also important to remember that the shoe can be on the other foot too. I'll never forget the comment I read somewhere about it being trendy to argue that attachment parenting is more "natural" and the rebuttal that arsenic is also completely natural (ie just because something is natural doesn't automatically make it a good choice). So while we're pretty attached parents, I strive to avoid judging the choices others are making. I think it is really cool that you are able to do this.

    I want to be the mom that is following 1 Thess 5:11 ("encourage each other and build each other up") instead of the one that is shooting dirty looks at the permissive parents with the out of control kids.

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  46. I've been beaten over the head by the Babywise crew, told that I need to let my firstborn "cry it out", and had eyes rolled by folks who think I'm crazy to not drop my son off with a babysitter. My sister-in-law thinks I'm crazy to still be nursing (at only six months!), and my parents have been worried that our child will never sleep in his own room before he's 18.

    And yet, people keep commenting (the same people who love to level unsolicited advice and criticism) at how flexible, happy, laid back, and smiley our baby is. While that may be just the way God made him, it may also have something to do with our "no cry sleep solution", co-sleeping, babywearing ways.

    I really don't know. What I do know is that I love it that my son has a look for me that he doesn't have for anyone else, that he has a bond with me that lets me know I'm doing something right. And I absolutely love it that a high-strung, hard to relax and be laid back mama could give birth to someone like him. That to me shows me that a mama who seeks to follow her intuition, heart, and who seeks God's guidance on the matter of mothering is the wise way to go.

    Don't you just love this mothering thing?! It is so hard, but so totally amazing. And someday we will get to sleep. =)

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  47. Great lesson to learn.

    It's so much better just to smile serenely and go about your merry life. Everybody does things differently, after all.

    P.S. I still go in to the "kids class" with my 2-year-old every single Sunday...

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  48. I think if we could all just accept that everyone has their way that works for them then the world would be a better place, don't you? Kudos to you for not letting them get under your skin! : )

    And Happy belated 4th to sweet Ivy and her Mommy, Daddy and brothers!

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  49. Good for you! I'm kind of floored by their response. I don't feel like I've ever had women be that...severe. Maybe it's because they were together. I'm just glad you were unphased.

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