Unkept

Here we go again, in my car. Ivy fell asleep on the way home from the grocery store (by the way, my new favorite way to get groceries when I can't go without the kids is to wear Ivy in the Ergo on my front and put Gray in the seat of the cart. It makes for a very easy trip, one I used to dread.)

So I have put everything away and she's still napping. I don't dare interrupt it because it's possibly the only good one she'll take today. At least I have this mini laptop now. But to be honest, I don't really feel like writing.

Part of me just wants to stop all together. At least for a while. It's not that I don't have the words. It's more like I don't have the time. And I want to have the time. And I start to get sad and resentful if I don't get a chance to sit down and write each day. And those little windows of time seem to be disappearing more and more.

And so when I finally have gotten the last child to sleep at the end of a very long day, I am exhausted. I glance toward my computer and can't even muster up a blog post.

There's plenty in my head. It's just getting it here... so much work.

And I have a feeling this whole post is going to contradict itself.

So anyway, I am thankful for the car naps. One big drawback (for me) with co-sleeping is that, come nap time, I have no crib to keep Ivy in. We don't even have room for a crib if I wanted to set one up. And our bed is too big to be on the floor. So when I get her to sleep I usually have to stay beside her or very close because she can get up and wander off the clift! as Gray says.

We have a video monitor that I keep right by her, but she's fast. And at times like a ninja. And I do often have her nap in the sling, but somedays, most days, my body prefers otherwise.

I don't really mind, though. I just get less done. Well, less cleaning done. It does force me to sit still and I can usually quietly fold laundry nearby and tend to Gray.

I won't ever have the cleanest house or prettiest garden outside. I have weeds. And messy bathrooms. I am ok with that. I do what I can. I have four little kids.

Yesterday was GRUELING. Like many days, my hubby is gone for work before most of the kids are awake and is home after they are in bed. I do my best to entertain them and keep them from the TV and we eat a good meal that I cook using usually a lot of pots and pans and there's a lot of us so there's dishes, too. Plenty to clean up. They'll play a little more outside and I'll attempt to clean up the kitchen with Ivy in the mei tai on my back.

They'll come inside and be FILTHY from the top of their heads to their smallest toe. So we make our way upstairs for baths or showers (yesterday was showers and Noah taught Gray, step by step, how to take a shower. It was the sweetest thing.) I'll simultaneously try to keep Ivy out of the bathroom while picking up clothes and towels and drying off wet kids.

They'll get jammied and we'll end up on my bed or on my floor with a stack of books. There is always just one more. And I finally get them settled down enough to scoot them off into their beds. Tucking, kissing, shooshing.

I'll get Ivy to sleep on my bed. Then go into the boys' room and quiet them down once more.

I'll make my way downstairs and straighten pillows, pick up toys and papers and do what I can before my feet give way. I could blog, read a book or magazine. I could finish the dishes, throw another load of laundry in... but most nights I just want to go to sleep. And I feel like the next day we'll do this all again. I can't imagine EVER catching up until all the kids are all in college.

It's exhausting. But I am thankful. This is my life. I've chosen to mother this way and I don't want to change too many things about it. So I'll do the best I can with what I have. If this is the reason for less writing, for not having a spotless kitchen and sparkling bathrooms, I know for a fact someday I will not regret it.

It's a recurring theme around here but I need the reminder:

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.


I'm writing along the same lines over here as well~ Rollercoaster Road.

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