May 29, 2009

Maiden Voyage

The change of scenery is nice.

I wrote the title and those words this morning in my bed as Ivy slept and the sun crept in
. Now I am outside cashing in on a double stroller nap with my camera, new laptop, an iced coffee with whipped cream, and fresh air.


FedEx main just came next door and plopped down two boxes waking Ivy but I strolled her back to sleep. This is my time.

The new laptop is nice. This is my first post from it. I find that while it is convenient to take anywhere (as I am now in the living room with an awake Ivy crawling around) I am also more easily distracted and it is taking me forever to post this post.

I grew up in the theatre and after our last show everyone would finish signing each other's playbills and put on old clothes and strike the set. We'd tear down the wood trees, paper backdrops. Like starting all over but more violent. In a way. It was goodbye.

Then we'd all go together for pizza somewhere or to the beach and know that even though we'd spent the last several weeks inseparable we'd probably never see each other like that again. Unless we are cast in another play together. But it would be different roles and a different set.

I am easily distracted. I notice things like the leaky faucet in the kitchen and the crumbs on my carpet and my numb insides. Nothing's wrong, nothing's right. But something is around the corner. I can just feel it. I wish I knew if it was good or bad. Or just nothing.

Can I just live this moment, with nothing to look forward to and no regrets behind me. The right now stillness on the water. Coming from no where with no where to be. Can I be content in this. I want to be content in this. I need to strike the set.

End scene.

New scene.

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  1. Congrats on your new laptop! Fed ex just delivered mine 1 hour ago as well.

    What a beautiful picture of your two little ones!

    I know this feeling of being distracted. So many things to do and your mind constantly running to the next item on your endless list.

    Its tough but living in the moment brings the most incredible amount of joy and peace.....

  2. It's a strange exhilerating calm when you find yourself in that in-between.

  3. There is something cathartic about striking a set. All that time and energy moving among those things and in the span of a couple hours, you're back to a blank stage...

    I know the feeling.

    Here's hoping the next set reveals herself to you soon.

  4. I really understand that feeling too.

  5. cute pictures! We have {as I'm sure you know} Urban Baby bonnets too... and the same nest baby sling. :)

    must have been chilly there today... is Gray wearing a parka!?


  6. I love the stroller pic! Very cute!

  7. I miss the theater days... But those last moments with an old cast were strange. Hated to say goodbye.

    You're such a metaphoric girl these days. :) Love the stroller.

  8. I find Im super distracted when I jump on my laptop too-so I don't use it tons-that and I need a new battery so I can unplug it and be more mobile; using it outside would be nice because THEN the kids might actually play and not want the computer...but then, probably not :)

  9. That in-between not knowing phase is a very strange place to be isn't it. I hope that whatever comes next is a beautiful thing.

    Enjoy your new laptop.

  10. First I want to say - Oh my!! You are an ex-theatre person too? I knew I liked you from the moment I first read your site!!! I am an ex-theatre person too. I grew up doing shows and loving it. Wanted that to be my career - until I realized I wanted a family instead. :)
    Second - Can I just live this moment, with nothing to look forward to and no regrets behind me. How I wish for that too. I just wrote tonight about all the things I would have done differently over the last few years if I could. I know that everything led me to today and I am happy with today but still I long for things that "could have been." Ah well, I know better and this too shall pass. :)

  11. This post felt like it was totally about me (well, except the theatre part...) I'm always distracted and always seem to be focusing on the future and the past instead of right now! Great post. And yay for new laptops!

  12. Those are the best moments, sweet sleeping children.

    I love how Phil and Teds made the back seat recline. Ours didn't have that.

    Also, I get the in between feeling. We're there too. Not exactly knowing but learning to be content.

  13. Ugh - beautifully written Steph! I feel ya!

  14. I find I'm in the same place right now.

    As always....this is a wonderful poetic post.

    I can't wait to meet you at Blogher!

  15. I miss the theatre days, forming friendships with people I would have not otherwise been friends with. Even if it was only for 8 weeks, we had something in common, an end goal that benefitted us all. Followed by a cast party, lots of junk food, and usually a couple tears.

    Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

  16. I'm so glad the laptop arrived! :)

    They were wearing COATS?! OMG what temp was it!?!?!

    I feel EXACTLY the same. So strange, yet so peaceful. I don't know what to make of it, as I feel fear and anxiety, yet peace and calm, all at once.

    I wasn't in theatre, but I was a dancer, and miss being on stage SO much. SOOO much.

  17. Can I just say that is about the coolest double stroller ever? I have a heckuva time using my laptop at home, too. I find myself usually sitting at the desktop for some peace and quiet.

  18. I used to do theatre too, and I know exactly what you mean. The pause before the curtain lifts and the new show is revealed. It's being in limbo. It's the deep breath before the reveal.

    I hope only good things are coming up for you around the corner.

  19. I've never been in a play in my life, so I can't say I can relate to striking the set.

    But about that feeling of "trying to just live in this moment... to just be content in this." That I can relate to.

    If you figure out how to do it, can you give me a ring?

  20. Gray is cracking me up with his coat on. I wonder if we will ever be content. I miss the plays and can't wait to come and see Carter one day on the stage. I can see him following in your footsteps.

  21. Enjoy that laptop, girl! I miss mine.


  22. Cool stroller.

    I am also very easily distracted. I start about 10 projects at once and get none of them complete. Very annoying! And B is just like me.

  23. Heehee, Gray in his winter parka. Your naptime sounds divine.

  24. soooooooo thrilled you got your laptop!!!!!!!!!!! You soooooo deserve it!

    I too struggle to live in the moment. I am looking forward and behind and sideways!!!

    {{{HUGS}}} my friend. :)

  25. I struggle with this inner feeling as well - I have for years. I do feel I'm making strides forward with it, but it's taking a LOT of conscious work. Some people can't understand and there's really no way to explain it. I hope someday, we'll be able to "Just Be."


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