April 23, 2009

Shepherd



I'm having trouble finding the stillness. I am surviving on scraps. I grasp pieces when I pick up the camera, in the too few chances I have to sit down to write.

In the latte I can't afford but I snuck out to get anyway this morning.

Waking at four a.m. because that might be the only quiet I get for another twenty-four hours. Or more. And still my soundtrack is the soft hum of the baby monitor.






And what's left in the crumbs of my stolen moments I'm reminded that I can nurse a baby, write a lunch money check, sign a field trip form, find a favorite shirt (right there! in the drawer where I said it was!), fill cups of orange juice, and practice spelling words all at the same time.

But I can't lead myself to the still waters.


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31 comments:

  1. SO true! Hope you enjoy(ed) the latte and that you're able to find some peace as you go through your day.

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  2. I *think* you've found your purpose and are sure good at it. :)

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  3. I can't still the waters either! I enjoyed a piece of quiet yesterday when Sugar finally fell asleep - I turned off the ringers on the phones, turned off the radio and just enjoyed the stillness.

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  4. sometimes the stillness for me is the true self that is nestled in there amongst the Things To Do. i am not my thinking self or my doing self really at heart i am a tiny piece of god. and thus i am stillness.

    although, i only touch that once every few days.

    and also, i might not be making any sense to you. its been days since people in this family slept.

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  5. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I tried to steal away to the bedroom while Dad took over breakfast this morning. But it was still so loud, banging, yelling, screeching...sounds I love. But they aren't quiet. And then when I find it, it's so deafening, that quiet and I find I'm not even sure I remember how to use it.

    Great post, lady.

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  6. I need the stillness too and it feels so far away! My life is chaos right now and I find comfort reading your words and knowing I am not alone!

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  7. I think you do so much more than what you listed, too. I hope you can find more stillness today, Steph.

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  8. Even when it is quiet- the kids are in bed- my brain is NOT quiet. Making lists, doing things, sitting at my computer.

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  9. You'll get there, it's okay. Sometimes these things just take time.

    I hope you enjoyed your latte!

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  10. Enjoy your madness because there will come a time when it's so quite in the house that you can hear a pin drop and your so lonely that you hold conversations with the mail man. Both of my kids are in high school, involved with sports and friends. I am still a SAHM and I love it but it does get lonely. My kids know what I've given up to stay home for them and they tell me all the time how much they appreciate it. I always say to myself when I get down, one day I'll have a life when they are out of high school but what really keeps me going is the impact I have on their life and I'll pay whatever price to make sure they grow up well balanced.

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  11. Love you, Hon. It'll come. It'll come... Release what you can and remember what's important.

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  12. He will restore your soul.

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  13. Isn't that the truth?! I hear ya, mama!

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  14. There's only one Shepherd who can lead us there...

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  15. I think the psalmist never had to take care of four children at once! ;)

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  16. Hmmm...can water be still? At my house it is spilled or splashed, but never still. Deep breaths, lattes and walks--that sounds about right. Somewhere in all of it, peace will come.:)

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  17. No one makes the insanity and beauty of motherhood more poetic than you. :-)

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  18. On days when I desperately need those still waters, I'm so glad that it's not me whose in charge of leading myself or anyone else there! Beautiful post! I hope He brought you some peace in your day.

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  19. you took the words right out of my mouth.

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  20. "But I can't lead myself to the still waters."

    No, you can't. But He can, and does. Feel better soon.

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  21. oh girl - I know! I don't know how you do it with four! LOL

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  22. Just what I was thinking, only more beautifully written.

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