Probably my favorite thing about BlissDom was the couch in the hallway.
There were times that I just wanted to sit and nurse Ivy and let people come to me. I could sit there for a long time all by myself and be just fine, observing all that was going on around me. Quick conversations from passersby was nice. And if someone wanted to sit with me and talk that was great, too.
I just didn't have that much energy to do the going-up-to-everyone myself.
Maybe you noticed?
That's not normally like me. Next time we meet you will probably see me more bubbly and flutter-like.
And now that I'm back home I'm thinking about it actually. How I'm kinda still on the couch. For friends. Family. My hubby.
I don't know if it's this cold I can't kick or the snow clouds rolling in again or the having of four kids or what. But right now I just can't meet you halfway.
Can't even meet myself halfway somedays.
This is a pitiful offering, I know. And I hope you understand.
Photo by Mishelle Lane aka Secret Agent Mama
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I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. I've been in the same funk after last weekend.
ReplyDeleteJust hang in there. I'm sure the fog will lift soon!
I saw you there and wanted to come up and say hi and meet Ivy, but you were always surrounded by people. Rest assured next time I can, i will meet you!
ReplyDeleteHUGS!
It's NOT a pitiful offering. It's where you are right now. You'll be back to your bubbly, fluttering self soon enough - take some time to rest and absorb everything going on around you.
ReplyDeleteThat's NOT a bad thing. I do believe I'll be hitting BlogHer this year (I'm giddy about that!) - I'd love to meet you :)
Not a bad thing. It'll pass. I think its the stage... everyone has stages and this is just yours right now. I hope your cold leaves. I've been suffering too and it just makes you feel so run down. Golly.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the couch, because it'll be gone and you'll be up chasing those 4 kiddos in the sun in no time and might actually want to sit down!!!
Girl, I was totally like that when I had a nursing baby. And I would love the excuse now to sit on the couch and take in the action around me and let people come to me. :-) I can relate. I think it's all of the above - the winter, having a new baby, 4 kids. Enjoy it. Take the time you need. Your bouncy, bubbly self will be back. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think we all liked that couch! Such a sweet pic of you and Ivy!
ReplyDeletetotally not alone. I have gone through periods of time where I am a "couch sitter". I think that's why I love the saying that relationships aren't 50/50, they have to be 100/100 so that when someone can only give 40%, the other person reaches out and takes over the other 60%
ReplyDeletesometimes we don't have the energy to meet everyone halfway and that is ok. We will come to you steph, mother of four. :)
ReplyDeleteHUGS! I hope you're feeling better soon!!
ReplyDeleteI so wish I was able to sit and wait. I envy this, more than just a little.
ReplyDeleteThat certainly does not sound like too much to ask. Sometimes you just need to take a break for yourself. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Steph,
ReplyDeleteI was hanging out in the background and for some reason I was too reserved or out of it to just walk up to you and introduce myself :)
Many times I thought about sitting in one place and letting people walk by -- I think it's awesome that you did that :) You probably met different people than you would have if you'd been all bubbly!
Oh Steph, I think we have all been there, sitting on the proverbial couch, observing life with no energy to reach out halfway. You shouldn't feel bad about it or think of it as pitiful, there will certainly be times when you are the one reaching beyond the halfway to a friend who can't quite make it. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh. Oh. Oh. I could cry. I know this - especially in the first 6 months after a baby.
ReplyDeleteSo many are so glad to come to you - all the way to you. And one day, you'll be the one making the same move for someone else. Thats how it works.
I'm there with you, but only have two kids... the couch just calls out my name and it's so much nicer to sit and let people come to us. I hear you. I'm thinking it's a combination of colds, nursing, sleepless nights, and winter. It's all getting me down, I'm hopeful some spring air will help!
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself!
Sometimes just be available when people want/need you is more than enough.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. I am not in the mood to be overly friendly. Nor am I depressed. Just, kinda, meh...
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with just sitting for awhile...
ReplyDeleteI relate to this, Steph. Normally, I'm a go-getter, bubbly person who is always trying to fit one more thing into her day.
ReplyDeleteBut lately, I feel the need like never before for margin. I need more margin in my life. I don't know if it's having three kids, if it's having a baby combined with school-age kid commitments, winter or what. (Maybe maturity?) I'm just much more likely to be sitting on the couch, breathing.
And I think it's OK. It's where we are right now.
That photo is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think we've all been there, where we just want to sit on the couch. I'm there more often than not, it seems. And you know what? That's okay.
well at least we got to see your lovely face :) I totally would have sat on the couch to chat but I was afraid to invade your space while you were nursing.
ReplyDeleteI am still nursing my youngest and I don't have modesty issues, but I wasn't sure and I didn't want to assume.
Next year I hope we get a chance to chat more!
Do you think you have a touch of PPD?
ReplyDeleteI hope that isn't insulting to you for me to even suggest it, but I remember feeling a lot like some of your posts have sounded in the past months with my last child.
I do believe it was PPD. And it did pass on its own after he was 6 month or so.
No matter what the cause is, I hope you get to feeling like your normal self. I know how frustrating it can be not to feel like ones self.
Nell
What a beautiful picture. I hope you can kick the cold soon and just rest. :)
ReplyDeleteFeel better soon...(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteThat photo is breathtaking, and one I'm sure you'll treasure always!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better soon.
as if you need a reason to sit on the couch with that adorable littole baby. if I had four kids I doubt I could get out of bed and make it to the couch.
ReplyDeletewe just got over a similar cold bug in our home- sore throat, yucky cough, no voice- and it completely wiped me out for much, much longer than i anticipated! i am not meeting halfway either :)
ReplyDeletethat is a beautiful photo of you and ivy!
feel better!
xo,
erika
I'm feeling the same way. Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteWe have all been there at one point or another. I feel that way a lot lately also. I think it is a lot of the mid-winter funk that we all get in.
ReplyDeleteStay on the couch for as long as you need.
How can you think this post is pitiful? It's how your life is going right now and that is just fine. We love to hear from you no matter what you have to say.
ReplyDeleteThis illness is an ASS KICKER. Believe me, I know. I keep getting down on myself about the lack of socializing I'm doing, the lack of valentine's day activities with the kids, the lack of house cleaning, but I'm not superwoman and neither are you. This is just life and right now it is what it is and we make the most of it as we go.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a break, sister.
Oh gosh, I am so sorry you are still feeling badly! And with 4 kids and a still new baby you are plenty active and busy-I have 2 and can barely keep up with everything :) Hugs to you that you kick that cold and then can enjoy the relaxing on the couch :)
ReplyDeleteI know just what you mean!
ReplyDeleteTotally been there. I think that's why some cultures don't let new mommies do anything but be a mommy for a year. Its so much work in and of itself. Wish our culture was a little more like that!
ReplyDeleteIt was so nice to see you at BlissDom...Ivy is beautiful!
*huge healing hugs* I hate that it seems all of you are sick (You, Ivy, Beth, Arianne...)
ReplyDeleteDo I need to FedEx you all some Emergen-C?
I know the feeling...take all the time you need.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way right now. I've been sick and have two babies close together (one is 22 months, one is 4 months) and I've just been in a funk.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you, but I can't even muster the energy to blog, so you're way ahead of me.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you, but I can't even muster the energy to blog, so you're way ahead of me.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of us feel that way sometimes. And...that is why we are here...to offer our support and vice versa. In spite of all that, I hope you have a wonderful day of love with those you love! Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI've caught that cold now too. Feeling motivation draining quickly.
ReplyDeleteThat sofa looks so comfortable! Makes me want to plop down with a bowl of popcorn and the remote. Let's watch a chick flick! How about it?
ReplyDeleteI think that sometimes we just need these times BUT please make sure that is all it is ... sometimes I worry about you ... you are very hard on yourself ... I mean this in the most respectful way ... there is lots of wonderful resources and help out there if you need it!
ReplyDeleteI think we can ALL relate. I hope whatever cloud there is over you breaks and lets the sunshine in soon. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteRight there with ya, sister.
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling that way a lot lately, too. Just a deep down bone tiredness and a weird awkwardness around people I normally relate easily to. I'm chalking it up to new baby adjustment and tiredness and hoping against hope that it will fade and people will accept me back when I feel ready to come back, all the way.
ReplyDeleteI'm sharing that sofa with you--both literally and figuratively.
ReplyDeleteI hated that I couldn't enjoy the conference to its fullest, but I was glad to be there, even for a small piece of it.
It was lovely meeting you after reading your blog for so long.
I think that we expect too much of ourselves after having had a baby - I know that I was very run down for MONTHS afterwards and very emotionally limited.
ReplyDelete