February 4, 2009

What Buttons And Glitter Glue Can Not Fix

This week two of my very dear friends were holding excited secrets of new babies in their bellies and then just like that, their babies were gone.

I feel so inadequate, sending emails signed with lower case x's and o's, offering help where I can. If I had enough money I'd send flowers in a pretty vase. I want to hold them in my arms. I want to say I'm sorry. I want to take all the bad thoughts and hurt and sadness away.

I watched Beth's kids while she went to the hospital. We made art with buttons and glitter glue.

All around me people I love are losing their children, their husbands, their wives, their jobs, their minds.

Sometimes it's not that there's not enough words to say but there just aren't any words at all. Or things I could do. Maybe if I were more creative or maybe if I were more organized. Maybe if I had a time machine. Maybe it's not up to me.

I'm sad and I'm sorry and I'm praying and I'm surrendering more than you know.

xoxo

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43 comments:

  1. Sometimes this life really sucks. ((hug))

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  2. Sometimes their arn't words to take away the hurt. You are a kind soul steph.

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  3. As women, we try so hard to be everything to everyone, and it's really difficult when you fall short.

    My prayers go out to your friends.

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  4. I couldn't have said it better myself. The inability to take away the hurt is so hard, because it's such a natural instinct to just want to help your friends.

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  5. The best thing I ever received after a miscarriage was simply a card with a note telling me how very sorry they were for my loss. It's enough to just know that someone cares. I never really wanted to talk about it but I still have that card as evidence that it did happen and that I hurt.

    You're a great friend. I'm sure the x&o's are enough.

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  6. Steph, a good friend is far better than anything you can buy or get creative with, a good friend is what you are to her. Sometimes a friend doesn't need to say anything, just being there is enough and sometimes there are words, follow your heart! You have a good heart, it will never lead you wrong.

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  7. I think what you need to realize is that what you do, which is watch kids, send little emails, pray and love, is EXACTLY what is needed in this situation.

    You have always helped to take the pain away and you continue to do so just because you care so much.

    P.S. My kids feel like they should be coming over today, they miss you.

    Buttons and glitter glue help more than you think.

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  8. I'm sorry to hear your friends have lost their babies. Losing a child at any point would be the worst pain. And I'm sorry you're in pain too. I wish I could somehow make it all better for all of you also.

    Nell

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  9. Like others have said, I think just being there and helping out however you can speaks volumes. I have been in your shoes, too, wishing I had something better to offer.

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  10. I lost a baby between my two children. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Things that helped me were holding my sweet son, lots of crying, talking to other women who had miscarried. About two years after, I found this article, that brought out feelings I didn't even know I'd had buried inside me. It also helped me to finally heal: http://junomagazine.com/article010.html

    It might be too painful to work through these issues right away, but I found myself wishing I had read an article like this when I was going through that tough time, instead of years later.

    ...And you are doing everything you can do. You're there for your friends, and they will remember what a good friend you are.

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  11. Well said, Steph. Sometimes it's just not up to us. That's when friends are so important. I'm glad they have you.

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  12. Dear Steph, I am proud of you for being the friend you are. God gave you such a gift and I am thrilled that you use it to minister to others who are hurting. It's nice to know that the button jar comes in handy! Gram would be so happy.

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  13. aw, that just stinks :-/ miscarriage is so UHG :-(

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  14. miscarriage are so hard!!! hugg to then!!!! Thanks for sharing this post

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  15. It is hard to know what to do and say, but just saying that you are there and you care for them helps a ton! I am sure you are a good frined to them, and I am sorry your heart hurts for them as well!

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  16. Steph, can you add this woman to your list? She lost her little boy a few days ago at 38 weeks.

    http://cynthialovespictures.blogspot.com/

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  17. You couldn't have said it any better. This year has started off very rough for so many who are close to me.

    Prayers and unconditional love are so important during those tough times.

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  18. I think your friendship, and posts like these, probably help them more than you know.

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  19. Being human can be so rough sometimes. You're right, it's not in our control...

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  20. I feel the same. So much is happening around us and I wish I could wave a wand or kiss it like a mommy does to booboos and make it better.

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  21. This truly breaks my heart to here this. Thanks for the links, I will certainly go and provide some loving there.

    Please give them both a big hug for me .....

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  22. its been a really sad week for too many. the loss of a baby is so tough. but you are a good friend! and I am sure that means so much!

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  23. I wish it were up to you, I think the world might be a sunnier place, in general. But the best thing you can do is just be there, I think.

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  24. I so often find myself hurting for people and just wanting so badly to DO something. But sometimes there's nothing to do or say. And I hate that.

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  25. I'm so sad for your friends. They are lucky to have a great friend like you to lean on right now; you are doing great just letting them feel and do what they need to do.

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  26. Life can be a struggle for sure. I sent both of your friends kind messages. I will be praying for them both.

    My heart hurts so much for Beth. How can she handle this after J&J?

    She is very brave, strong woman.

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  27. Something tells me you're doing all the right things. You're a good friend.

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  28. It's so sweet of you to blog about it and I'm sure they know you care. My mom did a very sweet post when I miscarried a few weeks ago, and my Grandfather passed away a few days later. Sucky month.

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  29. If there WERE something we could do to ease the pain, we would. Sadly, the only thing to ease it is time. That, or the painful situation not happening in the first place.

    I'm so sorry for their losses...

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  30. I'm so sorry.

    Surrender is a hard thing.

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  31. I wish there was more I could do as well!

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  32. Stephanie...I love your spirit. If we lived in the same town, I would totally be your friend. (Assuming you'd be mine.) ;)

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  33. Just being there for your friends to do anything they need, especially to listen or cry on, is all you can do. It is the perfect thing to do. Prayers go a long way, too. When I m/c'ed, the best thing was knowing that someone else cared about my loss, too.

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  34. just be there. and you did that.

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  35. That's too bad. Thank you for sharing this. It puts into perspective the fact that I found out this morning that I'm not pregnant.

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  36. It is so tough sometimes. We just buried our pastor today. What do you say to his wife and daughters? They have an ENORMOUS hole in their lives now. He was big in every way, and his absence is huge.
    There seems to be sadness and hurt every where we turn right now. We are laid off, going on 12 weeks now, our neighber, several people in our church are too.
    Acknowledgement with akwardness is better than being ignored, though. And lots and lots of prayer.

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  37. When we are in a time of pain every action, big or small helps and touches the heart. Just knowing we are loved and people care for us is huge.

    I promise every little x and o in the email touched your friends hearts.

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  38. Even though I don't know you personaly, I'm so glad that you were there for Beth and her kids. Ariel and Racecar are the best. I love them all so much. They are certainly in my prayers and know how you feel

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  39. i think beth said it best, you did exactly what was needed. i feel you on the watching of people losing things all around me. pray and surrender....i think that is the best we can do.

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  40. Life has been incredibly sucky lately with the economy and other things that we just cannot change or control. I had a miscarriage before, so I know the pain your friends are going through and the confusion. I also know the feeling of wanting to help a friend going through such a situation and not being able to do too much. I've been on both sides of the spectrum and it sucks. :(

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  41. it's so hard to understand why things like this happen sometimes... so hard!

    britt

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  42. It's so hard to watch friends in pain - hard because your heart aches, hard because you know they have it even worse, hard because you don't know quite what to do (or if you should do anything at all).

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  43. What a beautiful way to put it. It is true that in those situations we never feel like we can do enough but Hubby learned this phrase earlier this year and I think it fits perfectly. I cannot do all the good the world needs but the world needs all the good I can do. Sorry about your friends!

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