It seems fitting.
I like it.
Yesterday I picked out flowers for Beth and the lady preparing the arrangement engaged me in conversation about the circumstances for such lovely daisies in a blue vase.
Her eyes brimmed with tears the entire time she trimmed each stem and positioned it just so. She lost a baby in between her two sons. She always wonders if it was her girl.
The other woman working stopped to join us and gently spoke of her own three losses. I told them how special Beth was to me, and the boys, how important it was to remember them and they nodded and agreed and they took a moment to remember, too.
In the parking lot Gray picked up a broken pen and as I tried to get it out of his hands real fast we both ended up with blue ink all over us. Oh were we a pair.
I half thought that I was glad he wasn't in church clothes and same for me, and then I was filled with emotion and thanks. It's that messy stuff of life that makes you aware of the now and being in the present. If it weren't for that darn broken pen on the asphalt I would have just plopped him in his car seat and been on our way to the next place, my mind somewhere else thinking busy thoughts.
Instead we had a moment. One that he remembered, too, because when we were out and about today Gray told me he wouldn't ever pick up pens in parking lots again.
The other day we were doing other errands, as usual, filling our morning again with empty busyness that seemed so urgent and important at the time but now I can't even recall where we were even going. Gray grabbed my breath by saying, Mommy, thank you for hanging out with me.
All along I was thinking I was dragging him from place to place, little luggage that asks lots of questions, and he found that to be precious time with his Mommy. I huff and puff and sigh and tut tut about my time. I'm living day in and day out with other lives here, wings open and shelter... from way down there and underneath they seem to have a way better view and understanding.
I should totally be thanking them for letting me hang out with them.
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