February 26, 2009

It's Raining It's Pouring

So strange that snow would be the total normal for today but instead it's been a thunderstorm.

It seems fitting.

I like it.

Yesterday I picked out flowers for Beth and the lady preparing the arrangement engaged me in conversation about the circumstances for such lovely daisies in a blue vase.

Her eyes brimmed with tears the entire time she trimmed each stem and positioned it just so. She lost a baby in between her two sons. She always wonders if it was her girl.

The other woman working stopped to join us and gently spoke of her own three losses. I told them how special Beth was to me, and the boys, how important it was to remember them and they nodded and agreed and they took a moment to remember, too.

In the parking lot Gray picked up a broken pen and as I tried to get it out of his hands real fast we both ended up with blue ink all over us. Oh were we a pair.

I half thought that I was glad he wasn't in church clothes and same for me, and then I was filled with emotion and thanks. It's that messy stuff of life that makes you aware of the now and being in the present. If it weren't for that darn broken pen on the asphalt I would have just plopped him in his car seat and been on our way to the next place, my mind somewhere else thinking busy thoughts.

Instead we had a moment. One that he remembered, too, because when we were out and about today Gray told me he wouldn't ever pick up pens in parking lots again.

The other day we were doing other errands, as usual, filling our morning again with empty busyness that seemed so urgent and important at the time but now I can't even recall where we were even going. Gray grabbed my breath by saying, Mommy,
thank you for hanging out with me.

All along I was thinking I was dragging him from place to place, little luggage that asks lots of questions, and he found that to be precious time with his Mommy.
I huff and puff and sigh and tut tut about my time. I'm living day in and day out with other lives here, wings open and shelter... from way down there and underneath they seem to have a way better view and understanding.

I should totally be thanking them for letting me hang out with them.


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39 comments:

  1. I sometimes find my mind running from this to that. It is hard to slow and down and realize what you have in front of you.

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  2. I find myself scheduling and making plans and spending time with friends and their kids. And then, I take Bub to the car wash with me, just us, and we have the kind of day I wish I could have captured on film.

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  3. So precious. You and your children, and your love for friends and life. So, so precious.

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  4. I love those moments that pull you out of yourself and your schedule and make you really take note of what's around you. They are crazy, quirky gifts from God.

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  5. I love this! I've been working on saying 'YES' more with the kiddos!

    Stacy

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  6. You are so inspired. Run with it. Go with it. Write. It's a beautiful gift. Thank you for sharing it.

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  7. Absolutely beautiful. You always provide the best reminders as to why I'm doing what I'm doing. Your kids are lucky to have you. Your friends are lucky to have you. Your readers, myself included, are lucky to have you. The world is lucky to have you. Thanks for the beautiful writing.

    -Abby
    @sweetbabboo

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  8. I'm so thankful for your posts lately. I've been identifying with all of these same emotions, and I'm starting to think that maybe I'm normal and not just over-emotional from wacky pregnancy hormones. :) Thank you for your thoughts and sharing them with us. I really appreciate it.

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  9. Thanks for this sweet reminder. We all need to stop and be thankful for our blessings. :-)

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  10. that's a lovely reminder for us all. It's sometimes hard to take a step back and see what you have and not what you have to do.
    Kellie

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  11. Online is where I've found the most mothers talking about losing babies, including miscarriages. I've often wonder why we shy away from it so much in real life. Fear of questions? Fear of sadness? Fear of saying the wrong thing?
    Usually when we start sharing other women start opening up and telling their story. It makes us both feel better.

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  12. " It's that messy stuff of life that makes you aware of the now " ... yes. Good stuff, Steph.

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  13. Wow, wow and wow!! Absolutley beautiful post!!

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  14. The loss is hard…SO hard…and in many ways it is comforting to hear that others have experience it’s pain, though I always feel their pain along with mine. I understand about the stopping to take in the moments of life, the moments of our children. It is so easy to get caught up in the everyday, the hustle and go. I had one of those days today…I thought I needed to go go go…but I stopped. I came home with my daughter and we baked brownies, read books, played on the swing, and played games. It was the best afternoon I have had all week. I forget how lucky I am to have such a beautiful daughter, and like you said, I am lucky to hang out with her. Thank you for a beautiful post.

    I am sorry for your friend’s loss.

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  15. Oh, this is giving me the sniffles. Thanks for helping me to remember that I am very lucky to have this time with my children. It's easy to forget in the every day-ness sometimes.

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  16. Isn't it great how kids enjoy the simplest things in life. Big Brother and I go grocery shopping together alone every week. It may be a regular mundane errand but we use it as one on one time. I try to remember that kind of thing on a daily basis. I get caught up in all that has to be done too but I try.

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  17. Thanks for slowing me down a bit..I too treasure my hang out time with the girls...even running errands.

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  18. I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


    Elaina

    http://www.craigslistpostingtools.info

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  19. exactly.

    Once again you said it beautifully!

    I'm glad I get to work from home and "hang out" most of the time with my Sugar (and the new one on the way!)

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  20. Thanks, I needed that reminder this morning.

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  21. Sometimes you read just the right thing at the right time. Thanks.

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  22. This is wonderful. Somehow, now, those flowers are even more special to me.

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  23. Once again, you have me bawling.
    Beautiful.

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  24. Thank you for sharing such precious moments with us. It touched my heart.

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  25. You are an amazing writer. Your words have a way of capturing and connecting with people. Or it may just be that your words are very easy to relate too. Thank you, I needed to hear that, I will try to not let my everyday get in the way of noticing what really matters.

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  26. Those little moments are so easy to pass by!

    How sweet for Gray to say that! Nothing fills your heart like when your child expresses their love for you. Kiddo and I were watching TV the other day (in "Mommy's room" which he loves because he gets to come up on our big bed,) and he reached over and held my hand without me asking him to! Brought tears to my eyes!

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  27. It really was a beautiful tribute to Beth's boys. I thought the same thing when it started raining yesterday. How fitting.

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  28. Well, didn't need to read this today J/K ....whew! Tears! Tears! What a beautiful post... just makes me cry!

    Children are such a blessing and gift! I can't imagine losing one- whether I have met them or not!

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  29. You said it so well; we get so caught up in being on time, getting things done, and sometimes taking for granted the things that are important, like hanging out with out kids.

    And how lovely and touching the two florists could share their memories and relate to James and Jake through their own angel children.

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  30. He grabbed your breath.

    I love when that happens.

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  31. This is such a sweet post. It really puts the little things into perspective.

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  32. SO true. I hope my kids always want to hang out with me.

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  33. Emma gave me so much clarity yesterday during a not so great moment. And I find I constantly need these little reminders of how much the icky stuff of the day doesn't matter when we are with the most precious things on earth. Our babies... They are hard. They are exhausting. But boy oh boy do they give a love not found anywhere else. Thank you, God, for my two little energizer bunnies!

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  34. We should be thanking them, shouldn't we? It goes by so fast...

    Loved your previous post about Beth's baby boys... such sweet words Steph.

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  35. Mary@musingsofthesixtiesFebruary 27, 2009 3:49 PM

    Lovely post. Very meaninful.

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  36. Such a blessing for me to read your blessings.

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  37. "It's that messy stuff of life that makes you aware of the now and being in the present...."

    You write my heart...

    Thank you... for this real and beautiful thing you do in this place...

    I too remember with you, James and Jakes and babies we will someday hold...

    Much love,
    Ann

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