December 6, 2008

Man Down

I've resisted coming to terms with the fact that, as much as I previously thought I had my act together and could do anything and still make it look effortless, I'm a big fat faker.

So much for trying to clear my plate a bit. I think I don't know how to stop shoveling it in. And my body finally took a stand and is making me stay in bed with the chills and aches and oh does it hurt to swallow now. And I am no longer speaking metaphorically.

But I have so much to do and no time as it is, getting sick is hard enough as a Mom. I can't have this right now.

And so I am in and out of sleep, sometimes delirious, and am frustrated at all the mistakes I've been making. The not giving it my all. Or giving it my all but stumbling over the mess that I'm making by not paying attention or having enough attention to pay. (And now I think the delirious is kicking in again.)

I can't help but think about this movie my Mom loved when I was growing up called Ice Castles. There's a scene where the girl does this amazing figure skating routine despite just losing her sight and the crowd goes wild and as she's taking her bow and exiting the rink she trips over all the roses the fans had thrown onto the ice. She hadn't planned for the roses and falls as her skates get caught up in the stems. And now her secret is out and everyone realizes she can't see.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say here. Except that maybe I feel like I shouldn't be complaining about anything or having too much on my plate because I am so thankful I have anything at all. And all this stuff that's tripping me up, it's good things. Opportunities and life and roses.

Just now you know maybe I can't do it all. I don't know how she does it! Well guess what? I don't. No one can do it all.


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51 comments:

  1. fantastically real post. thanks for that. We were all thinking you ran around all day with a cape.

    With our without a cape, we still love you the same.

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  2. I'm sorry you're sick Steph! Rest and get well quickly and then just RELAX and enjoy this wonderful season with your sweet family.

    And bless your heart for letting a few of us others who want to do it all off the hook just a little bit with this honest and candid post.

    Now go back to sleep.

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  3. I hope you can get the rest you need. Being sick, taking care of four kids, nursing, running a house, loving a husband and being business Mama can really take its toll sometimes! HUGS.

    Nell

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  4. Get well soon!

    And thanks for the Ice Castles flashback. Love that movie. The roses scene always tears me up!

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  5. You got that one right...no one can do it all. You spend too much time over her spinning this plate and that one over there falls and shatters. Hard being a mom sometimes. But you're right again that there's so much to be thankful for, especially when you think of all that could be wrong.

    There will be sleep and quiet when we're old... :)

    And I LOVE Ice Castles. I wanted to be her when I was growing up.

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  6. loved ice castles, robbie benson...dreamy.

    i can say that when i read your blog it does seem that you always seem to be happy and thankful for what you have. it amazes me, i feel that nothing gets you down. so is it wrong that i feel better to know that you are like the rest of us ??? thanks for sharing.

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  7. This too shall pass. You're right. It's hard enough being a Mom, much less a sick Mom. Keep your head up and hang in there. It's got to get better. Right?!?

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  8. rest up...I know i can't do it all..and I have no clue how you do all you do!

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  9. I think getting sick is often our body's way of forcing us to slow down. I say go rent Ice Castles and rest.

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  10. Ah poor Mama. It stinks when Mom gets sick. I had Influenza A last year -- it was the pits. Here's to a speedy recovery Super Mom ;)

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  11. I appreciate your humble spirit so much. And not just today, everyday.

    Get better soon!

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  12. hope you feel better soon! i can't believe you got out of bed to post. you ARE a super woman!!!

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  13. Feel better soon girly! And it's ok, none of us can do it all...no matter how hard we try.

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  14. Hope you're feeling better soon, dear! You are supermom, but you're right, we can't have it all, at least not all of the time.

    Take care,
    Steph

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  15. I hope you feel better soon! I'm glad you're (trying to) not beat yourself up too bad. And I love that regardless of what's going on -delirium or roses- you always realize you're blessed.

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  16. Sending you healing thoughts!

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  17. Yes, it's true, we can't do it all, and the good news is - no one expects us too either! Give yourself a little time to re-group, and re-charge your mom batteries. You'll be back at it again soon enough.

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  18. mmmhmm. i feel like that with only two. many times people say, "look at you! you wear eyeliner and keep everything organized and feel happy all the time!" and i usually feel a pang of shame at all the stuff i am messing up that isn't so obvious and public. i am a good faker too, or maybe just good at doing the small amount of stuff that everyone sees? i hope you are well very very soon.

    oh, and thanks for the tea collection tip, i will look into it!

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  19. Just know that you're not alone...it's really nice to know that. You spoke the words that I wish I could only express. I hope you get to feeling better very soon.

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  20. I'm with ya! Did you read my post?? If something falls through the cracks today, just pick up the pieces tomorrow and keep going. I think I said something like that. I didn't accomplish a quarter of what I needed to today. It'll still be there tomorrow.

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  21. I've been here before...you know you're in bed because you've tried to do too much! Sometimes I think God does it to us to make us slow down and think, ya know?! :) Thanks for your honesty and I hope you start feeling better soon!

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  22. I've been feeling the same way, and I also got sick. . .I think our bodies know better than us sometimes. I was actually mad at myself for having to give up a day during this hectic season to be sick. Ridiculous.
    So, I am doing the following:
    Praying more, using the "new baby" excuse to cut almost everything except important family Christmas things from my list, feeding my family alot more frozen meals during the next two weeks (it won't kill them and I need a break from the endless kitchen duties), and trying to make my baby laugh as often as possible, because that is like angels singing to me.
    Hope you feel better!

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  23. It's HARD because you either feel like you're putting everything in your life but babies on hold OR you feel like you're being torn in a million different directions and not doing anything %100. Oh, I KNOW.

    STEPH! You poor girl. Get better!

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  24. I read this after I saw your tweet about going to the er. I'm so sorry. I hope you have lots of helpful people around you and that the doc can give you something for relief or answer what might be going on instead of "well, looks like a virus, you'll just have to wait..." I hate that answer.
    You're so right, we can't do it all. Or we end up not doing anything really all that well at all. Maybe that's just a reality of this season of life, but it sure stinks.
    Get well!

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  25. No one can do it all. And we shouldn't pressure ourselves to pretend we can. I bet you're doing fabulously well. And even better for letting yourself off the hook some.

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  26. Hope you feel better soon, I don't believe anyone can do it all, we just have to pick the things that are most important to us! And yes realize what we have to be thankful for, like those 4 little ones off playing in the other room!

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  27. Feel better, Steph. Being a sick Momma is NEVER an easy thing.

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  28. I'm so sorry to hear you're sick - it's the pits! The feeling of everything spinning out of control and being overwhelmed is one that I'm very familiar with! (aren't we all?) I have been really trying to just let go and have faith...a lot harder to do than I thought :) I found a great song that helps me keep things in perspective:

    Better Than I
    from Joseph: King of Dreams

    I thought I did what’s right.
    I thought I had the answers.
    I thought I chose the surest road -
    but that road brought me here.
    So I put up a fight
    and told you how to help me.
    Now just when I have given up,
    the truth is coming clear.

    You know better than I,
    You know the way.
    I’ve let go the need to know why
    for you know better than I.

    If this has been a test,
    I cannot see the reason.
    But maybe knowing I don’t know
    is part of getting through.
    I try to do what’s best.
    And faith has made it easy
    to see the best thing I can do
    is put my trust in you.

    For you know better than I,
    You know the way.
    I’ve let go the need to know why
    for you know better than I.

    I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky.
    I saw a bird and thought that I could follow.
    But it was you who taught that bird to fly.
    If I let you reach me, will you teach me?

    For you know better than I,
    You know the way.
    I’ve let go the need to know why.
    I’ll take what answers you supply.
    You know better than I.

    I hope you get better soon! Merry Christmas!

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  29. I'm living where you are too right now... somehow it all has to get done, I'm just not sure how I'm going to make it happen.

    I guess that's where the whole leaning on God and putting the first things first stuff is really important!

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  30. I hope you feel better soon-I've been bogged down with my work and the holidays and just trying to catch up too...thus not much blogging going on. Take care and rest up; we are here cheering on your efforts!

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  31. Oh, hopefully now that you know it's strep you'll be back to yourself soon! :(

    I always feel like other moms have it all together, and why can't I- and truly nobody can do everything like you said! Thanks for the reminder!

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  32. As far as I can tell, you're a fantastic wife, a wonderful mom, a savvy businesswoman, and much more! I think all moms feel like how you described every now and then...keep your chin up. We've all been there before. The sun will come out tomorrow...

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  33. Hey Steph, I hope you feel better soon. It's hard to be a Mommy & be sick since we dont' get any "sick" days! HA!

    I remember that movie too...

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  34. I loved Ice Castles as a kid, haven't seen or thought of it in forever.

    But it truly is a great analogy for mommyhood...faking-it-syndrome runs rampant and admitting it makes it easier for the next mom to say "I can't".

    "Please, don't let this feeling end..." HEH

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  35. You're are feeling what every woman feels at some point or another, you're just admitting and realizing it before it's too late.

    It's easier said than done, but don't spread yourself so thin.

    I always remind myself that I am a God pleaser, not a people pleaser.

    I don't always do it, but when I fall down, I remember that. It makes picking myself up that much easier.

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  36. Amen.... I pray you feel better REAL soon:)!

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  37. I think that's what makes you so relatable as a blogger. You're a real person. You do lots of cool stuff, sure, but you also let us know when you can't give any more. Like us. No biggie. Get healthy and then get back out there!

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  38. Oh no! Strep! I hope your feeling better soon. If you need anything, anything at all, you call me.

    xoxox

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  39. It's hard, girl. I so feel the same way!! Get yourself well, love!

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  40. I'm so sorry--I do feel for you and hope you're back on our feet soon. In every way. Kiss Ivy's cheeks for me :)

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  41. No one does it all. And you don't have to try.

    Get some rest! Feel better soon. :)

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  42. I love Ice Castles! (Actually, I don't think I ever saw it...my mom always told me about how sweet and sad it was...then I learned to play the theme song in band in middle school...was that tmi?) Anyway, there is no reason to "do it all". You just do the best you can!

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  43. Get better! I was sick last week and it was miserable. But also nice to know all I had to do was feed the baby and lay on the couch or bed. Rest!

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  44. I think this is a great thing to be able to admit and understand. As women, we tend to try to do it all and it just isn't possible! We need to understand that it is okay and that we can ask for help! I hope you feel healthy again, soon!

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  45. Get well, sweetie! And I totally *get* your story because you see so much pain in the world and realize that yours feels so little in comparison. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck to be sick though, right? Hope you are better soon!

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  46. I adore you, I'm so sorry you are sick. Despite being sick though, you rocked with this post. *get well hugs*

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  47. Wow, I could have written that, as that is exactly how I feel lately! And that movie was one of my favorites back then :)

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  48. No fun to be under the weather....especially as a mom and especially as a mom who has a lot on her plate. Hope you are feeling better (I'm thinking the call with Patrick Dempsey might have helped just a little :)

    And, I loved the memory lane trip with Ice Castles. Loved that movie...seen it dozens of times!

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