I remember the talks that we just couldn't have another one for a long time- maybe not until Noah was off his diet and we knew he was going to be ok. Maybe never. His illness caused so many setbacks for us and I was mad our son had to suffer like that, furious that we all had to go through it, and I resented it for affecting our family plans.
We had to consider if I was mentally and physically strong to be pregnant, care for Noah, and manage his diet... and we had to face the fears that our next child could have Doose Syndrome, too. So many 'what ifs', but we both knew it was time. It was time to take back our desires, remove ourselves. from survivor mode and get ready for battle. We weren't going to let those stupid seizures win. We were actually going to go on with our lives.
Shortly after our decision, a new life was growing in my body. From the very beginning it was like an experiment of sorts. After all we'd been through with Noah, we wanted to do everything completely different with this next baby.
Pretty much the opposite of how we parented before was called Attachment Parenting. We fell right into place. It worked. And it made so much sense.
Three years ago today, Grayson was born. Just like most mothers, whether they live the AP lifestyle or not, our bond was instant. I wasn't going to let him go.
Some Moms wear their babies out of convenience, or necessity. I wear mine to keep them closer to my heart.
I'm not saying that parenting this way made us perfect- because if anything I think it has magnified our flaws and weaknesses. But it has made us more aware. We show up for life, when our name is called; we are present.
Join the Babywearing Bloggers blogroll here.
This month is Attachment Parenting month, dedicated to the importance of giving our children presence.
You are an amazing momma! I am glad that you didn't let anything get in the way of your family plan- you guys are so brave!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful and so true. I'm glad that you had enough love and bravery in your heart to not let anything get in the way of adding to your family.
ReplyDeleteI love what you said about wearing your babies to keep them close to your heart. I always thought I'd wear a toddler for convenience, but now, it seems that I do it more to just keep him close to me, especially when he so often is running in circles around me.
That is an awesome story. Happy Birthday to Gray! :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that Grayson & I share a birthday! Happy birthday, hope you guys have a great day, which I am sure you will!!
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteWhat sling are you wearing in your latest NewBaby.com video? The black one, where you are wearing a green shirt?
Looks comfy and really flexible and thin, but still holds her well.
Thanks!
Jen
The words you wrote are so precious. I love how you describe wearing your babies not out of convenience, but to keep them close to your heart. So sweet.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Gray! Isn't it amazing how we can be better than we were as a result of our hardships. You are wonderful parents!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the commenters before me -- you are a brave and loving mom!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had known more about AP before my daughter was born. I followed a lot of it just by instinct, just doing what felt right.
So great Satan didn't win in destroying you and your husbands plans for a large family. And he didn't win with your son. Praise Jesus!
ReplyDeleteHi! I have never commented before, but I have been really enjoying your blog. I especially enjoy hearing all about your sweet little girl and seeing all the pictures. I am getting ready to have my second child ( a girl this time!) in January and I have a question for you. I desperately need to get a sling. I always liked the idea with my son but never had the money to get one. And since I only had one baby to take care of I just sat on the couch and held him all the time! :) But this time around I will need my arms to do other things, but will still want my baby close by. My issue is that I don't know what kind to get. I keep reading about all the different kinds but I don't know what to do! My biggest worry is that it will hurt my back. I have big back and neck issues already because of my boobs exploding at the beginning of the pregnancy with my now 2 year old and they never went away! (of course I nursed him through getting pregnant with my daughter!) I just need something that will not cause lots of extra strain on my back or I won't be able to use it anyway. Do you have any suggestions? P.S. I wanted to mention that I can relate to your situation with not knowing how you can have another child when you have a sick child that needs so much care. My son was just diagnosed with leukemia (the day before his second birthday) when I was 4 months pregnant. I am glad that I was already pregnant (although there has been concern about the stress of all of his treatments on the baby!)because I just don't know how I could have knowingly tried to get pregnant for quiet awhile if I had known ahead of time what was coming. Funny, how God knows these things! :) I still wonder about whether we will have more children after all of this is over! (he has to be in treatment-chemo for 3 years!). Yet I never saw myself with only 2 kids. Well this has turned into a book. But thanks for listening!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to your not-so-little man!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe he's 3. It seems like I just "met" him and started reading your blog.
I loved wearing my baby... it's really the best thing!
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, little man.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful story...gave me goose bumps! I know that feeling of the timing just being "right".... God's call to have more kids. Happy Birthday to your Grayson. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday, Gray!!
ReplyDeleteAw, happy birthday to our little man-diva! :) I hope you all have a great day!
ReplyDeleteYou know this already, but you all are survivors. You are so strong, and such an inspiration to us all.
This is a great story, Happy Birthday Grayson!!!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Grayson! What a neat testimony!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday lil man! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post. I haven't been on attachmentparenting.org before and even though many of the principals stated on the website is our "plan" as new parents, I keep emailing my husband bits and pieces and links after reviewing myself. You are truly inspirational!
ReplyDeletecourtney
Happy Birthday to Gray! So glad that you kept going :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to Grayson!
ReplyDeleteI guess I do AP but I didn't really know it.
Peyton was my only baby that I carried in a sling. I held her longer, closer and more frequently. I think in my heart that God gifted me with that time so that when the hard times would come, I would already have that crazy strong bond with her to get through the rough moments. Normally, your last child gets less of your time and attention because you have less to devote. But I know that something really good DID come out of the upheaval of our lives. Because I am so about being in the moment and present.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog. I didn't wear my son- actually I didn't really know much about it at that point. But I was fortunate to learn more about it before our daughter was born, and I loved wearing her. It is such an important experience for a mother and her children. I plan to do it with any more children we may have.
ReplyDeleteLove this. Happy Birthday Gray!
ReplyDeleteOoh - CHILLS! I actually have kind of lost a friend due to AP b/c she is all Baby Wise and thinks I am crazy for doing AP!!! It just feels so right, but it is hard and sometimes a sacrifice. I love reading your blog and it is a highlight in my day that reminds me that other Godly mamas are doing the same things as me! Thanks for who you are, Steph!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Sweetie,
ReplyDeleteI have yet to come by and tell you how beautiful Ivy is and how thrilled I am for you.
You are doing great.
Through your strength you never fail to inspire.
Thanks for sharing this post!
ReplyDeleteI had never heard of attachement parenting before I started reading your blog-I am loving it and so glad I started "wearing" the babies.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am in awe of your family and all you guys have been through-you are all amazing, strong and inspriational. Thanks for sharing your stories with us!
LOVE LOVE LOVE your last paragraph ... may I quote you?
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for reminder about API carnival
The last paragraph of this post really stuck with me since I read it last week. My family is going through a difficult time, which I would normally handle by pulling inward and "hunkering down" for the long haul. Not this time. I am showing up for my marriage and daughter everyday. I am working on being present not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. It feels good.
ReplyDeletei'm an AP mom and so glad to find your page! :))
ReplyDeleteI've worn my baby since he was a month old and even though he no longer wants to be in a sling, I find he still loves being in my arms. I find having my son close to me has also been very therapeutic for me, too.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your experience - you've given me a lot of inspiration and perspective on having more children.