September 30, 2008

FAIL

Yesterday was not my day. I thought I was doing so well. I was on a roll. I can totally do this being a mom of four thing and still be on top of my game.

Well then all of a sudden- with no warning, mind you- the universe flipped upside down and inside out and pushed me to the ground, kicked dirt in my face, and then lifted its leg on me.

This is hard, people.

Now, I'm not saying I'm giving up or anything. Like that's an option anyway. And I totally still managed to juggle nursing the baby, cook a nutritious dinner on the stove, answer the phone five times, and meet with my midwife for the 2 week checkup. All at the same time.

But then when I finally got Gray to stop headbutting my midwife and pause acting like a dinosaur for a brief 5 minutes- long enough to help Noah finish his homework and get Carter ready for a field trip today... it was time to put the kids to bed and I just wanted to collapse on my pillow or the couch or the kitchen floor would have been fine. But the baby was hungry and so was I and so there I stood at the counter bouncing her in the sling while I ate my dinner at 10:15 at night.

My shoulders sagged, I had a headache that wrapped around my face and crawled down my neck, and I was stick-a-fork-in-me done.

While dressing Gray in his jammies we had a chat and promised that when we wake up, it would be a much better day. We'd both be better than we were yesterday. So far this morning, it's still a bit too early to tell.

84 comments:

  1. I think we had the same day yesterday.


    (((hugs)))

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  2. I'm sorry you had a rough day!! I only have one toddler and one on the way, and some days overwhelm me - I can only imagine how hard it can be with 4!

    Today is a new day! Here's hoping that everything goes better!

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  3. You know Steph, it is ok to admit to not being Superwoman! I don't know financially if you could do it but maybe you could get someone to come in during the week (even just a few days for a few hours) to help clean and cook. Or even just have a house cleaner for awhile until you get a grasp on everything. Several of my friends who have 3 had to do it with the 3rd because they had to figure out how to fine tune the machine they had been running for so long.

    I actually don't know if financially we could swing it but if you can it might be worth it. You don't want to get into a funk!

    Sending you hugs!!!

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  4. I feel ya - really, I do and I only have 3.

    Me thinks 4 would throw me completely over the edge!

    Here's to a better day ;)

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  5. Audrey - Mom GenerationsSeptember 30, 2008 7:47 AM

    As a mom of 4, I understand the first few weeks after having that 4th. Juggling is simply the thing we learn. Ivy will help you develop a schedule. Listen to her. And keep staying calm... believe me, these days will pass. Hope you had a good dinner!! My late night dinners are usually quick fixes! ;)
    - Audrey

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  6. I've felt like that every single day for over 6 weeks now. As much as I hate that you had a bad day, it does feel better to know that I'm not the only one. How selfish is that?! But people are still telling me that I'm going to look back on this and want it back. We'll just have to see about that, though. :-)

    {{{HUGS}}} to you!

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  7. I have those days with only two.

    {{hugs}}

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  8. Just remember, you can start your day over at any time. It's like a reset button. I do it all day long... :D

    Hang in there... the honeymoon was bound to end sooner or later, but just like in marriage, once the honeymoon is over there are ups and downs, good times and bad... but regardless, love and memories. That's what it's all about.

    And I would so totally come and occupy your children if I lived closer. Other people's children are so much more manageable than mine.

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  9. You know you could have had that kind of day even with just 2. Hang in there your doing great. Try to get some sleep today while the babies napping. ;)

    Prairie Lady

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  10. Sorry to hear things were tough yesterday. I commend you for even trying to cook a meal on the stove!

    You are one tough mama Steph!

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  11. I have those days with one. Yes. One. So I cannot even imagine with four. I hope you had a restful night and have a better day today.

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  12. To be honest, everything crashed for me around two weeks as well. With one. And then two.

    Be gentle with yourself.

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  13. I hear you, friend. I only have three, but adding a newborn to the mix once the older kids are in school is a totally different story.

    Hope today is a better day.

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  14. {{hugs}} {{hugs}} {{huts}}

    I know that it probably does feel overwhelming; I know that having just ONE seems to do me in at times.

    But there always is the promise of a new day or a new day after naptime.

    Hang in there!

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  15. Those days are inevitable. I'm sorry it happened so soon. Hopefully today will be a better day.

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  16. Yikes! That sounds like a rough one. I hope today is much better!

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  17. Oh, I SO know those days. Hang in there Steph, it will get better, it has to ;)

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  18. It just goes to show you are normal. We've all been in that boat in our own circumstances. So, don't loose heart - today is another day.

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  19. Those are the days! {grin} Here's to a better day today!

    brittany

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  20. I've been there! Sorry you had a bum day - sooo not fun.

    I try to make myself stop when everything is wrong. Dinner and homework can wait a few moments, regroup and get a few hugs. It helps me to be reminded how much I love them, in the midst of the chaos :)

    You CAN do it - hang in there. Hugs

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  21. I've been there with just two but I know you can do it! I've just come to expect that those days come and go and really they are not the ones we'll remember in the long run.

    It is wonderful that each day is a new blessing, sometimes that each week or month starts anew as well!
    Hope today is better. Make sure to get out for some fresh air - even just lingering to get the mail for five minutes. I always felt that did wonders.

    Hugs,
    Heidi

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  22. One great, big, giant, virtual bear hug to you, my dear.

    PS--I had to keep deleting parts of that, because my toddler wanted to "help" Mommy type.

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  23. I love this post. It's so nice to know that motherhood isn't always beautiful and peaceful, that you have those days where you feel like throwing in the towel, or like you must be doing something wrong.
    I hope today is a better day, that you get to eat at a reasonable time and don't have to deal with headbutting dinosaurs.

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  24. I'm so sorry you're feeling the "FAIL". I'm so sure it's hard. And you are tired and hormonal and jumped so easily back into the swing of life. Please remember it's ok to not do it all and that you have a little tribe ready to do for you. No matter what you need.

    Love you girl,
    Ashlee

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  25. I don't think any Mother has it all under control while they're sliding down rainbows. We all have bad days and you're certainly entitled to have a bad day. I hope you are getting help... it's a lot to handle!

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  26. You are taking me back to my son's head-butting days. He used to do it to random people at church with no warning.

    Hope today is better.

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  27. Ok, first of all you're gonna need to go back and change the name of this post. Go on, go do it...

    You are so NOT failing, maybe your "flailing" a little right now but NOT failing. Today WILL be a better day and you are doing wonderfully. : )

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  28. I have days like that with TWO kids, let alone FOUR! I would bet, though, that in the eyes of your kids, "Fail" would not be a word used to describe you, and isn't that what's most important? It'll get better . . . easier as Ivy gets a little more age on her and you guys really establish a better feel for life as six. Hang in there!

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  29. Steph,

    You're doing a great job. Being a mother - to any number of children is tough. But I've read your blog for a while and feel like I know you. And even though you have your bad days, you always seem to handle them to gracefully. I, on the other hand, am a spaz on the bad days. Take heart, you've got a whole group of friends here on the internet (most of whom have never met you in real life) that love you and want to send you hugs and encouragement. That's really what we need -- someone to say it's alright to have bad days.

    I'm sending you hugs and good thoughts!

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  30. so she's normal. who woulda thunk it. hugs and besos.

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  31. I remember a few weeks after we had Rebekah I felt the same way! overwhelm tired and just out of it!

    It did take me a while to feel better and had to fully rely of God for strength.

    I can't imagine how you feel cause I had one you family is a bit bigger!

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  32. For all those people that told me that having one more wouldn't be a big deal.. I would poke them in the eye:) Obviously they don't have 4. But it's great. It all works out and you will find your groove. And hey I deem the day successful when you don't forget one of the kids somewhere;)

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  33. Hang in there girl! Everyone who even has just one kid goes through days like this. I have 3 boys and one more on the way and I suffer from days like that at least once a week! Then I just look back and laugh because if I don't I would just break down and cry!!! Don't forget we are Mommy Warriors and if we can make it through childbirth we can over come anything!!!

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  34. I only have two, but have those days sometimes. I hope your day is better, today!

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  35. Aw heck, I remember this kind of thing happening to me when I was mothering just ONE infant! You are amazing, woman. Just look at the positive energy and uplifting talk you were able to have with your son. You completely inspire me. Hang in there!

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  36. I have sooo been there. Only I have 3 kids, and you have 4! Fortunately, every day is not like this. Keep your chin up!

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  37. I can so relate! Don't worry, you are doing amazing! It will take some getting used to, but I have no doubt you will be able it to handle it wonderfully! I hope today is better for ya!

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  38. Your description of those kinds of headaches is spot on! We hope today is a much better day. You have a lot of little ones keeping you busy.

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  39. May it just be one day and not a pattern... Hang in there. You can TOTALLY do this.

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  40. The Universe peed on you?! Holy crud.

    Well, I know for a fact the Blogosphere will pick you up and put you in a baby-wearing sling and nurture you today. That's what comment love is all about. Hope today is better!

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  41. Yesterday WAS quite craptastic. I agree.

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  42. Im so sorry yesterday was rough! It was really rough here too!! I hope today is better!!

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  43. I'm sorry you had a horrible day yesterday. I so hope that today is better for you!

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  44. You are doing great - hang in there - not every day can be a good one. Just remember good is all around you.

    Lauren Mackiel

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  45. Praying for you girl...it's hard juggle a new baby with the family responsibilities. Hope your day better today!

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  46. Don't you just LOVE that little wake up call? I had mine recently too. But I wasn't riding a nice birth high like you were so I was already feeling pretty low when the rough day hit. The good news is that you can totally handle this and you will find your rhythm. Give it a little time! And anytime you feel like you're struggling, feel free to commiserate with me. ((hugs))

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  47. awe... I hate hearing you are having a hard time... I cant imagine having 3 let alone 4... I know you can do it though. Hang in there!
    Glad to hear though that my child isnt the only one that acts like a dinosaur at the wrong time :-)

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  48. Boy, there was something in the stars yesterday. All the moms I know (myself included) had a hard day. Don't beat yourself up over it. We all have bad days. I set those little resolutions for myself at night too (tomorrow will be better...tomorrow will be better). You're a wonderful mother, and one tough day does not mean you fail. I'm praying for a more peaceful day for you guys today.

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  49. Ohhh, sweet Steph, you didn't fail. You may not have reached perfection, but you didn't fail...you just did your very best with a very crummy day. At two weeks postpartum with my second, I was having more rough days than good ones...I cannot imagine four kids...be gentle with yourself and I know this is easier said than done, but do try to bask in the grace that was so lavished upon you.

    Love, Angela (also of Becoming Me in case Mrs. N throws ya off)

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  50. Ah yes. Mamma said there'd be days like this! Thanks for your honesty and for reminding us that it's okay to NOT be the perfect, pulled together supermom. (For heaven's sake, haven't we all learned by now she DOESN'T exist???) Motherhood is the hardest, most thankless job in the world. Hang in there! Better days are ahead.

    Love,
    Hap

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  51. It doesn't sound to me like you failed at all! It sounds like you pushed through and won! You're doing great, keep it up. At least they got a nutritious dinner, I don't remember if I cooked last night...hmmmm.

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  52. Don't beat yourself up, we all have THOSE days and they are going to happen, nothing we can do about it. But sounds like it was a good/bad day as you got through it in one piece. Praying today is better for you girl.

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  53. I'm sorry you had a hard day. I hope today is getting better!!

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  54. oh sweetheart, i feel for you. Everyday can't be perfect, there will be good days and bad days. We are ALL here for you!

    Jen

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  55. Being the mommy, and therefore the glue that holds everything together, can be so hard sometimes. I have often wished I could get away with a 2 year old meltdown. Oh, it would feel so good!

    My mom was telling me today, "Just wait until she's an adult, she will be such a blessing to you and all this hard work will be worth it." OK, so that's how many years away??? :)

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  56. those days a really hard. and it sucks because there is really nothing anybody can say to make it any better. but it does help to know other moms are going through the same things.

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  57. Oh, girl! It doesn't matter if you have one child or four, we all have those days. I only have three and the transition from two to three was hard for me. Two was balanced. I had two hands so I could hold onto everyone. There were two parents so if we were tag teaming each parent had one child. Life with three eventually got easier. It just took time. My three were born in a four year time span so they are relatively close together. Mine were not good sleepers when they were all "little." So there were days when I thought I would not survive having two in diapers and trying to keep up with the two who were everywhere and taking care of an infant on about 4 hours of sleep. Just the other day I caught myself thinking about how much work it is to coordinate their extracurricular activities (Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Art Class, Spanish Class, Gymnastics, etc.) when the Lord reminded me of how much I miss the days when they were all "little" and having a baby in the house. I realized we are in a new season in our household and one day before I know it they are going to start driving themselves places and going off to college and then I will miss the days of activities and carpool lines. I guess the point to my long rambling is to just take it one day (maybe even one hour or one minute) at a time. Accomplish what you can, when you can. There will be days that are going to be much harder than others, but the good times will be the overwhelming memories you make with your sweet family.

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  58. I hope today is going better for you-Im sending you a metal hug!! And no worries, I have those days all the time, and I only have two!! haha!

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  59. I hope today is better! Yesterday Jasper wouldn't let me put him down and today he is Mr. Independent, so I hope your day is looking up, too...

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  60. You are such a great Mom. I "only" have 2 right now, for the next 6 weeks anyway, but I am so grateful to hear that everyone has "those kind of days".

    I'm praying for you, that God would be your strength and your shield (even against headbutting!), a very present help in times of great need. (Like, now.) ;)

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  61. aw, I understand in a different sort of way. I'm due today with no sign of labour. I'm HUGE and can't even walk for more than a minute or two without having to sit down. Can't play with my 3 yo, can't cook a nutritious meal and can't sleep. AND we are all just getting over colds. So, I also know what a bad day is like...you are not alone :) But there is always light at the end of the tunnel!

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  62. Sorry you had such a rough day yesterday. I can't imagine and am somewhat envious of moms with more than 2 kids... they make it look so easy and I struggle with two!!! Ahhh!!! Hope your day today was much better!

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  63. We all have those days...weeks... you get the picture ;)

    I hope today is a better day, and you WILL make it through! God gives us the strength.

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  64. i am a mom of two - 21mo and 4mo (17 months apart) and even that is hard. when i read your blog, with how happy you always were and how great everything was going, i was having serious envy. thanks for keeping it real and making the rest of us feel a little better ;)

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  65. you didn't fail.

    I have two kids and I have these struggles....*HUGS*

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  66. Ugh! It IS hard. And you have to give yourself permission that that is okay sometimes. You don't have to do everything and be everything every day. You can have some bad days. It happens.

    This too shall pass.
    Hopefully, it already has. :)

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  67. We think there are some things adults should NOT have to give up from childhood.

    1. Bibs (after it's tougher for us to find stuff that fits and looks good, our stuff is more difficult to clean and it's often more expensive!)

    2. Naps. Adults get cranky and it lasts longer when we do. Along with paid sick days and vacations we need more naps in this country!

    3. Do-overs. Kids use them all the time. We teach the kids to take em, so why should we have to do a "do as I say not as I do" moment? Having our kids hear us say "Let's try a do-over" shows our kids we're willing to go the distance right along with em!

    Lastly, with the addition of each child there will be chaos for at least a few weeks to a few months. Eventually you will find your groove and it's gonna be okay. If it's not okay, you've got a ton of people who are willing to lift you up as needed. Use em!

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  68. So not a failure... just human. Hope today was better.

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  69. Oh, honey! Mothering a newborn is hard, and even harder since you're mothering other children, too! Hang in there! I'll keep you in my prayers!

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  70. Hi Steph,
    We do have moments that we think we are not being the best people we can be for the people you love and care for the most. But I'm sure that if they love you they will understand you, and that not everything you do maybe because of what they're doing, most of the time, it's just you, there is always time to go through the different stages that you go through. I'm probably a testament of that, I'm surrounded with diverse special people, and so privilidged to be thought about and showered with love by people. There is so much good out there. I too am the least perfect person where I may not necessarily make the right choices or have the right perspective on situations, however is so blessed that my love ones are there no matter what. I often think I fail, but more so I fail the people I love the most. Their such a blessing to me that I only want to become a blessing back to them. It's just wonderful how things change though, and it all starts when you believe that everything works out in the end, it may not be now, but somehow everything should be the way it ought to be, above all, I think the most important than anything else that may matter, is that you are with your love one. That doesn't beat anything else for me - nothing can even compare to that. They're what makes my world go round, can't imagine my life without them, even when times are tough, they are the reason to keep going.

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  71. Oh, honey, you did not FAIL. I'm sorry you had a rough day. You will totally ace the "being mom of four thing."

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  72. I love to read your blog because it's happy and positive. But it's nice to know you too are normal. You seem like superwoman, but it's nice to know you have hard days too.

    Jenn

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  73. Days like that happen, right? I always find it helpful to take some quiet time at the end of the day and figure out WHY it was bad - did I not pay enough attention to someone, causing them to act out later? did I plan too much, causing the kids to get tired and fractious? It helps sometimes to know WHY a day went so wrong. And it also helps to forgive yourself, because you are only human.

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  74. Oh wow, as if I didn't think we were similar enough. Seriously. And then there's the emotions that are coming out of us too. Crying at the drop of a hat already, you know? Then stuff like that happening. *seriously huge hugs*

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  75. This is late, and I read that you are feeling better about things, but I'm going to comment anyway. It was not a failure on your part that you had a bad day. You are a mom, and just being that person means you don't fail (unless something goes extremely wrong). I know how it feels when you are overwhelmed and you are not as nice to your children as you know you can be. But you know what? You will remember this a lot longer than anyone else. Your children will have forgotten it in no time. When you are older and they are having their own kids, they will ask you how you managed to never have a bad day, because they won't know that you had one. You are a great mom!

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  76. This is why I only have two. And yet some days I still think I should be medicated.

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  77. I so remember those exhausting days. now that my four are older it's just as hard, only different and not as exhausting, some days! Hang in there!

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  78. I struggle of late with five kids during the day, but cut down to my two at night. I can't imagine how you manage to do it some days with four 24/7. I know that most days, it is awesome, but as you have recognized, it is okay to waive the white flag and surrender. I think that makes you all that much more of a Super Mom for recognizing that you too need time outs sometimes.

    Sending HUGE refreshing hugs to you!!

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  79. Ok, that's how I feel about having two some days.

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  80. I knew we (you) have had a rough week, and even though it sucks that I'm just now reading this, I know that you are hanging in. I'm so happy to see all these people lift you up and support you, what amazing blessings. Epic Fail has been the name of my year so far, but things are looking up, and your baby moon is still there. Just need to find it.

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  81. I would say I understand, but I don't. I have those kind of days with 2...I can't imagine 4. Hang in there, it's bound to get better!

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