I felt like saying a few things that came to mind at that moment, but she was already down the sidewalk and off to the next house across the street. So I just stood there in my flowery apron, holding a tray of freshly baked cookies, with the kids playing quietly at my feet and smiled.
Or rather I stood there with my hair half up in a pony tail, extreme fatigue on my face from an already long day of writing deadlines and phone calls, on top of taking care of the kids. There was no Amy Butler apron or gooey chocolate chip cookies, but there was me in a dirty t-shirt and skirt I had maybe worn to bed the night before. And the kids screamed about in chaos behind me. The only thing quiet at my feet were crumbs and Legos. And possibly my sanity down there somewhere.
I had never felt so invisible as a work at home Mom than at that moment. And many feelings I didn't realize I had been holding in began to break loose. I get the vibes all too often from some friends and family that they do not understand I am not just a stay at home Mom. My writing and blogging is work. It does pay some bills. Not all the bills, but it definitely pays some. Being on my computer or iPhone so often may look like fun and games and an annoying little hobby to others, but I'm really working and establishing myself- my business.
Yesterday, for the first time that I can ever remember, I sat here at my computer and looked at what I've been working very hard on lately and realized something that made me cry. A good cry.
I am proud of myself. And you know what? I have every reason to be. If people that come to the door or friends or whatever don't see it, at least I do.
And, um, even if I wasn't a writer and didn't get paychecks in the mail, managing a household and one or more children without pay is plenty of an under appreciated business in itself. Oh if only just staying at home with the kids all day was all we did. Everyone has their thing. Mine happens to be writing. There is something that you do that you can be proud of, and should be.
So, say, if your thing is making gooey chocolate chip cookies, I'd love to be proud of you for that. Go right ahead and send them my way, 'kay?
This post has been submitted to Scribbit's July Write Away Contest "Wonder Woman."