June 16, 2008

The Spoons Are Winning

I had to take him for new shorts yesterday. He's growing. Taller and taller up my side. Offering to help me put away the dishes, giving random hugs and i love yous.

We weren't guaranteed that he'd grow at all. That he'd even be walking or talking. This little boy that is now a big boy and has a light and life that just pours out of him onto everyone he meets.

At the AEOF event the other night I prepared myself to be strong and listened to parents that I knew, the ones that are still in the midst of the storm, their child not better. I'm so often told we should be so proud of ourselves. You were so strong. You were so brave. You got through it. I don't know how you got through it. I opened the event program a few pages in to see the photo of Noah in his helmet, hand raised high in the air. And I couldn't stop the tears from stinging my eyes. I am not the strong one. I am not the reason for his miracle.

The Lion King has been the movie of choice lately at our house. I caught my breath the other day as Mufasa tells his son, I'm only brave when I have to be... being brave doesn't mean you go around looking for trouble.

And later he says even kings get scared.

I was scared. Somedays I still fight that fear. That this isn't over. And here everyone thinks I'm the brave one. That because I made it through the storm and had faith unwavering that I must still be so strong. I was only brave when I had to be.

I dry off the last dish. Noah has put away almost all of the silverware and declares that the spoons are winning. His smile flashes a spirit that is alive and peaceful and well. I am so thankful. We're winning, too.

37 comments:

  1. Steph I still think you are brave- and you were when you had to be. Noah is your testement to that. I think giving hope to those who need it, relating and giving is braver still. Most would be happy that they were out of the woods and not look back. The brave use what they know, face the past everyday to be a beacon to others!

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  2. Such a touching post. I know that must have been such an emotional evening for you and especially seeing Noah's picture in the program. I noticed yesterday how tall Noah is getting, almost up to his other grandma's shoulder. That's great that he wants to help you and what a clever way of getting the job done. YAY for the spoons.

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  3. Just like Mufasa you were brave when you had to be, but you also know not to take what you have for granted. You all are winners and I am happy that everything has worked out so well for you. It will be so much fun to see what God has in store for all your little ones (and mine too!)

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  4. You are brave when you have to be. I am glad you went and gave the other families there a bit of hope.

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  5. Noah is definitely a 'winner' . . . I love the spoon story . . . we can all learn from Noah! He's such an inspiration to us all!
    Love ya'll,
    Aunt Diane

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  6. This is so beautiful! What a touching post... I can't imagine the bravery it must take. I hope to find out someday!

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  7. Yesterday at church the pastor told us a favorite quote of his and I'm sorry I can't remember the original person who said it but it was something like this, God's way of getting things done looks like this difficult, impossible, done. Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, you just need to be still.

    The fun is to look back and see the difficult, impossible and done in your lives! Thanks for sharing them with us.

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  8. Ah, but you ARE strong. Some people DON'T make it through the storm. Some mothers leave. Some families divorce. Some parents canNOT handle a sickness with their child. You were and are a strong Mama.

    GO ahead and claim it. We ALL know it's true!

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  9. You are so incredible and so very brave. While there are always a million questions still out there. I think you have a great answer...Noah.

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  10. I'm so glad that you guys are doing so great!

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  11. This is a great post. You know, Noah is a miracle, as is my niece. God is in control, and He is the one who helped you get through those times. His peace surpasses all. :) Have a great day, and may all the spoons win! :)

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  12. Awww. This brought tears to my eyes!

    You are so strong and it is wonderful that your battle for Noah seems to be over, and even better that you are trying to help parents whose battles are just beginning. :-)

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  13. I am so glad to hear the testimony of God giving you so much Faith and Grace and that you took it and you got through the worst.

    God gives us exactly what we need to get through. You are strong, only through Christ.

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  14. How awesome is that! Gave me goose bumps!

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  15. This made me cry, Steph!
    I do think you were brave. Sometimes we don't realize until much later how brave we've actually been, living through something awful and still keeping moving.

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  16. Geez, now I can't get James Earl Jones' voice out of my head! I SO remember that line and always thought the same thing!

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  17. About 13 years ago in my first teaching job as a Special Ed. Preschool teacher, I had a student who had multiple seizures that were not being controlled by the oodles of meds he was taking. I saw an article about the Ketogenic diet, and called in for the demo video to share with them. They were thrilled for the information and were willing to try anything.....I don't know if they did, I can only hope, as it was towards the end of the year.

    Reading your posts about your son remind me of 'my' Kristopher, and I hope somewhere somehow he too had as much of a success story as your Noah has had! Keep up the great work........and don't deny it, the parents are the ones who make things happen!

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  18. Whatever you call it - brave, strong or just getting by each day that's what you had to do as a mom. You didn't have a choice or don't have a choice to keep going each day for Noah.

    God is so good though to have blessed Noah with a miracle. Faith and prayer can be so powerful for a mom.
    Amy

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  19. Very touching... very brave. It's a beautiful.
    - Audrey

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  20. Sometimes just getting through such a difficult time is bravery.
    You're brave.

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  21. I completely know what you mean about fear. You look back on all that has brought you to this point and get this gut-check when you think of ever having to walk that road again. I pray that you and your family (and me and mine too) NEVER have to!
    I 100% believe now that God gives us just enough strength to get through the moment and then lets us later look back to see how if it weren't for His strength we would have never gotten through.
    God has given you amazing strength, and continues to do so.
    I wrote about fear today too..
    Number 2
    ...how everything gets put in a new perspective when you have walked through something horrible but continue on with life on the other side.
    Blessings to you Steph!!

    P.S.~ 7 weeks to go for me which means only about 11 more for you!!! How are we gonna survive this hot summer? :)

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  22. It's so interesting how being a mommy makes a strong in a way that we could never imagine. Well, and it also makes us weak in a way we could never imagine too I suppose. Ah, the miracle of mommyhood!

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  23. Steph, this is really a beautiful post. You are brave for so many reasons, it is just hard for you to recognize this because it is something you just do, no question, when you are a mom. But how awesome of you to give the glory to God. and I think I understand this fear, because it is like how i feel about Brent. We are winning too.

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  24. Well you know you'd have me teary after this one. Wow, "only brave when I have to be". So powerful. I think that it's ok to recognize that it's still always a choice to be brave, to stay in the trenches, because many do not make that choice.

    I get it. Loved this post.

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  25. Wonderful tribute. You've got me wanting more.

    Can I borrow your copy of The Lion King? I can't find ours. We probably played it all out.

    Stay strong and meet me at Millennium Park next time, ok? ;-)

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  26. I just checked out Noah's story and it is amazing! What a testimony to faith and the love of your little guy. I love the spoon story. So sweet and a moment you will never forget. I am enjoying reading through your blog. What a woderful writer you are!

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  27. Aw. You and your whole family are blessed.

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  28. I'm tearing up reading this, it's so beautiful. It's your love and devotion that shows your strength and courage.

    By the way, I've got an award with your name on it. You totally deserve it.

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  29. I think you are brave.
    and I loved this post so very much.

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  30. We have so much to be thankful for! When we were going through it, I always thought to myself, "Ok, someone else out there has it worse than you." I still had my little boy even though he wasn't my "real" little boy. (I know that makes sense to you.) Praise God for healing and seizure freedom!!!

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  31. I love that quote from Lion King. "I'm only brave when I have to be." That applies to a lot of moms that I know, for a variety of reasoning, but all still tough even heartbreaking situations.

    Noah is such a testimony to God's amazing power. And to a brave mommy who believes that God's still makes miracles.

    On a lighter note, I gave ya some linky love today.

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  32. Such a touching post. One of our youth suffered a seizure on Sunday morning while the youth choir was performing. I couldn't hold back the tears. I couldn't stop thinking of Woggie's seizures. I guess you never really get over it... even when your child does.

    You are brave. I think the most important part is being brave when you have to be.

    Remembering Noah's story was a huge comfort during the time of Woggie's first seizure. So keep telling your story!

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  33. Thanks for sharing the "tough stuff"! You continue to bless those around you!

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  34. This is exactly how I feel about my own special needs son. I am always "the brave one" in our family. The one to talk to the doctors, meet with the teachers and KNOW that no matter what, Oliver will be fine. We'll see what fine means of course, and I have my moments of fear and sadness - but I never let that get the best of me, because I have faith in him. And in us.

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  35. OH right - and I'm visiting from my good friend Heather's EO. So glad to have found you.

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  36. Thank you for sharing this with me, Steph. I think it was from before we had "met." I loved it.

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