April 15, 2008

If There Could Be Two Of Me

This weekend is getting really close. Almost too close for comfort as I think about it more. There are two sides of my heart battling my mind.

I am so excited for a getaway and anxious to see what surprises await. But I also don't want to leave my family. As much as they make me want to run away, they also make me want to never, ever leave.

If there were two of me, I could go have fun in Disney and still be home snuggled in bed with one of my boys. I'd be here if there was a bad dream. Or if they just need Mommy. If there were two of me, the me that's out living a carefree weekend could truly be carefree, knowing that everything and everyone is ok with the other me there at home.

But there's only one me. And that one me is not going to be here for three whole days and two whole nights.

Something tells me that they are going to get along just fine without me.

But, they wouldn't even have to know what it's like without me,
if there were two of me.

27 comments:

  1. You sound like me back in February when we left for Texas - and life here was VERY tense with illnesses and my dad's recovery. Know that all will be well and the kids will do just fine. Also, it'll be healthy for them to spend that time with their daddy and grandparents -- BONDING!!!

    Lori

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  2. Oh, Steph, it will be hard being there without sharing the experience with the kids. But it truly is a magical place, so try to enjoy and take lots of pictures!

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  3. You are so much like me. How badly I would love to have time to myself, but to have to tear myself away from my family and my guilt for leaving.

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  4. I travel for work, and I used to feel this same way. Now, I still hate leaving them, however, when I come home, the kids are always appreciative of me...absence really does make the heart grow fonder! Enjoy the bed all to yourself, not making the bed, leaving the towels on the floor, and no cleaning. Enjoy the little bit of quiet that you might have and all the grown up conversations... :D

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  5. I've gone away for girls trips 3 times plus the funeral last fall, leaving my family behind. I do get a twinge of homesickness for my family when I'm away, but trust me, they'll be fine, and you will be better for your time off!

    But then, I'm heartless. LOL.

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  6. I totally understand, but, like you said, they'll be fine! Just think... you can be refreshed and better than new Mom for them when you get back!

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  7. I can understand how you feel. In my case I know it would be traumatic for my oldest. He is very sensitive and gets terribly upset when I run up to the store.

    I bet you both will miss each other, but will be just fine and have stories to tell each other! HUGS.

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  8. I love how you expressed the exact same feeling I have about leaving my family yet needing to be free. When I am away I always imagine the worse- am I the only mother that does this?

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  9. I can only imagine! I get freaked going out for an hour alone! I'm sure they WILL get by and hoping you experience a little carefree! At least you'll have one of your babies with you!

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  10. Try looking at it this way, it's also a wonderful time for your children to taste some independence and learn something new about themselves and their own ability to adapt to change in your home. Little shots of resiliancy are a wonderful thing for kids, and for parents. Your kids will also learn about how other people can meet their needs differently than you of course, but still have their needs met.
    Think about the terrific things you can all share when you reunite after your trip! Focus on the fun they will have (even if you yourself aren't so sure!) and how much you look forward to hearing how it all went on the homefront while you were away.

    But I totally understand why it would somehow be so much emotionally easier if we could all be cloned. ; )

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  11. I know, it's hard. But I think it's good that it's hard, ya know? It means that you all are close, healthy and that they're used to you being home with them all the time (and you're used to it, too). That's a huge blessing!

    Once you get to FL and are enjoying the warmth and the freedom, it will be so fun. Try to be in the moment, when you're there, because it's a once in a lifetime kind of thing, most likely.

    Also, absence makes the heart grow fonder. For you, for the kids and best of all--for hubby! :)

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  12. I don't like leaving my boys, I've even been known to come home early because I miss them. You'll be so busy having a great time that the time apart will go quickly.

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  13. I totally understand. Just today, my mom-in-law watched the girls for a few hours, and as much as I LOVED the time away, I couldn't wait to get home.

    Now go have fun and enjoy yourself. Plus, you'll be coming back to those awesome welcome home hugs and kisses!

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  14. You took the words right out of my mouth....really. I have never left the kids for more than 1 night, usually with me very near by. Sometimes I want to run away, but I think twice before I go away for very long. I have never been one to go on a week's vacation with my husband while we have "little" kids at home. It seems to go against my own conscience. It just hasn't ever seemed "right" for me. There are plenty of moms who loathe my point of view and think it's ridiculous. I can't help it, that's just how I'm wired. I must say, the older my kids get, the more it seems "possible" to have an entire weekend or whatever alone. My, this was a long post. Didn't mean to ramble. I think once you get there, the time will fly by and you'll soon be back home with them anyhow :-)Might as well completely enjoy the sunshine and sights!
    Tricia

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  15. Exactly why I have a problem even leaving my little one over night anywhere. I just want to be near her. I love that. :)

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  16. I understand but you are going to have a fantastic time! And the boys will have a blast, too.

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  17. OH I hear ya, girlie. So hard to leave yet so fabulous to get away!!! They will do fine and just think of ALL the excited squeals when you walk back in that door!!!

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  18. Don't worry! They will do fine with out you, and just think how happy the reunion will be. You need some time for yourself, and they need some male-bonding time with Dad. All will be well!

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  19. I would totally be feeling the same way! Like the others have said, try to enjoy it and I bet you will all appreciate each other a little more when you return. For a few days, anyway.

    Your hair is darling by the way.

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  20. I ended up having to cancel the J&J thing because there was just no way for my husband to watch Faith with the hours he works. But I do understand the way you feel... when I lived in Texas, the woman I worked for wouldn't let me take off work all the time when Faith was sick - I had to send her out of the freaking state to be with my parents. It was terrible. I was separated from her almost once a month at one point in time. That's why I finally chose to move closer to my parents. I don't take time forgranted. But your children will be fine for a few days and the break will be good for you. Have a wonderful time - you're going to Disney!!!

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  21. Oh boy, do I know this feeling!! It is soooo hard to go away without the littles. But man, Disney, enjoy yourself. I'm a little jealous (even though I was just there last Sept). :-)

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  22. Whoa . . . holy post explosion, Steph. Wait . . . are there two of you?

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  23. The boys will be fine especially if you bring them souvenirs. I'm sure they'll be well taken care of. Can you send them emails and include pictures? They might get a kick out of getting an email of you and what you are doing. Maybe they can tell about your trip for show & tell. Have a great time!

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  24. I feel sort of bad about it, since I was gone last weekend as well, but not too bad.

    In the end, it's good for the kiddos to be with Daddy, and it's good for Daddy to be with the kiddos, and it's good for Mommy to be alone (with some fun new girlfriends and Mickey).

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  25. Such a beautiful post! You captured exactly how I feel when I have to leave my daughter - even just for an hour or the afternoon. It's nice to be able to have "alone" time or to get out with my husband/friends, but I also have this little tug on my heart that makes me wish I could be right there snuggling with my daughter at the same time!

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