February 11, 2008

Surprise

I normally am not really into big surprises- but I've been thinking a lot lately about not finding out the gender of our baby before he or she is born. I know I can wait that long. We were surprised with Noah and then found out early with Carter & Gray. I still have to convince hubby on this (he wants to know ASAP.)

There's no nursery to prepare or anything like that so I just don't see why I would have to know ahead of time. Opinions? I'm also curious if anyone found out early and it ended up being wrong?




63 comments:

  1. I'm in the same situation (except it's my 1st pregnancy)--I don't want to know, but my husband does. He says if I dont' want to know, he may ask them to tell him anyway which I say won't work at all because he'll end up letting it slip. Personally, I didlike how everything is gendered--pink and blue, etc. I plan to have additional children so I do want gender neutral stuff especially for nursery and layette stuff.

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  2. I was surprised the first time, but found out the second. I think it was more fun not knowing, but I did enjoy calling my daughter by name bf she was born. I don't htink you can go wrong.

    I have a good friend who was told that she was having a girl. It was their first baby so they went nuts with pink. Nursery, clothes, car seat and stroller, if it could be pink, it was.....turned out to be a boy!

    My midwife told me that it's common to be told girl and have it be a boy, but not the reverse. I guess if they see boy parts it's a boy, but just b/c they don't see them, doesn't mean it's not!

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  3. We didn't find out with our first, but did find out this time around (I'm due in 6 weeks). I enjoyed both. It has been nice knowing this time because we've given our little boy a name and I think it is making it easier for our 2 year old to prepare and get excited.

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  4. I always wanted a surprise but hubby didn't and he won, all four times.

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  5. We found out, I'm still very thankful we did. I would find out all over again too.

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  6. I am far too OCD not to find out myself. LOL.

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  7. My cousin was told she was having a girl and so everyone went crazy with dresses and pink stuff and sure enough, she had a boy. She was so drugged up that they said "It's a boy" and she said "Where? Can I hold my girl?" and it took a while to explain it all to her...

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  8. gretchen from lifenutFebruary 11, 2008 12:14 PM

    Out of the six, the only baby who was a surprise was Beatrix. At the 20 week scan, she kept her legs firmly crossed, and at each subsequent scan (I had low fluid issues), she was never in a good position, or the cord was between her legs.

    We got the picture we were supposed to be surprised. After one girl, then the FOUR boys, we were definitely surprised!

    It drove me batty not knowing. If I ever have #7, I will try to find out.

    The earliest I found out the gender was with Joel. I had very scary bleeding at 15 weeks, so went in for an ultrasound. He was fine and flashing his gender all over the screen from the moment the tech. put the thingie on my tummy. It was like we HAD to know, the opposite of Beatrix.

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  9. gretchen from lifenutFebruary 11, 2008 12:14 PM

    Out of the six, the only baby who was a surprise was Beatrix. At the 20 week scan, she kept her legs firmly crossed, and at each subsequent scan (I had low fluid issues), she was never in a good position, or the cord was between her legs.

    We got the picture we were supposed to be surprised. After one girl, then the FOUR boys, we were definitely surprised!

    It drove me batty not knowing. If I ever have #7, I will try to find out.

    The earliest I found out the gender was with Joel. I had very scary bleeding at 15 weeks, so went in for an ultrasound. He was fine and flashing his gender all over the screen from the moment the tech. put the thingie on my tummy. It was like we HAD to know, the opposite of Beatrix.

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  10. I have 4, and with the first three we were surprised and loved it. With #4, I had various complications that required serial ultrasounds, and although we tried not to find out, it became VERY apparent by about 7 months that he was a boy! (Plus, my hubs delivers babies, so he knows his way around an ultrasound. It was pretty hard to hide it from him)

    I will admit that I liked it both ways, but with #4, I found that I really did miss that "moment" where my doctor says: "it's a ..."

    PS: also, when my friend was preg. with her third, the doc assured her that she was having a girl (she had 2 boys already) She went and bought all pink stuff and even had things monogrammed -- and she had BOY #3! When he was born, she cried and said "why does my little girl have a pe*nis?!"

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  11. I don't think there is a right or wrong on this issue.
    For me, I am a planner. I must have everything planned out asap. I need to know. Must plan.
    Plus, I can be VERY impatient.
    I've heard people say that they want to be surprised at the birth, but to me, there are enough surprises during labor, I want my surprise now.
    :)

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  12. Congratulations on your pregnancy, Steph! How exciting!

    We didn't find out with any of our three. I loved it! Everyone in the delivery room was informed that Dad got to call out the sex. So, with each one, I can clearly remember hearing my hubby's voice quiver and seeing his eyes fill with tears, as he called out, "It's a girl/boy!" Beautiful memories!

    My sister is due any day now, with her second. They didn't find out with their first and didn't want to find out with this one either. However, at their very first ultrasound, the tech looked at the screen and announed, "It looks like we have ourselves a little girl!" She didn't ask or even give my sister a chance to say that she didn't want to know! If it had been me that she had done that too...

    Nicki~~livinginmymind@sbcglobal.net

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  13. Oh -- go for the surprise! I am a HUGE proponent of NOT finding out the sex......it's a part of life you have no control over and I really like being surprised at least once or twice....or 4 times in your case!

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  14. We decided with pregnancy #1 that it would drive us both crazy not to know. Now we have a girl and a boy on the way, so if there is a #3 it might be an option to not find out (I doubt it though). As a friend of mine always says, "it's going to be a surprise either way. It's just a matter of whether it is a surprise at the ultrasound or at the birth."

    I think this is definitely a personal preference.

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  15. I don't know what I would do. I would want to know I think.

    Someone I know was told she was having a boy (she already had twin girls). She had gotten all boy stuff. When the baby was born it was a girl! She had to return everything and get girl stuff.

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  16. I always wanted to know for Capri, but lets be honest... I was hoping for a girl with all these boys running around, so I wanted to know. HOWEVER, the next one I might try to be surprised, or I might find out and not tell anyone (yah right!). I figured out that if people know you are having a girl they will buy you nothing but girly beautiful pink clothes, and nothing else. So, at your shower, if that is all you wish for (like you have everything else you need), AND it happens to be a girl, then tell people and you will have TONS of boots, sparkles, bows and dresses!

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  17. I found out with all three. I'm just that way. :-)

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  18. We absolutely didn't want to know with X (but I also think I really *knew* he was a boy) David really wants to find with #2 so I think we'll try it that way since I'll need ultrasounds anyway. I don't think I'd have an ultrasound just to find out... I think it would be easier to prep X knowing...
    I have heard of mix ups though! YIKES!

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  19. We decided not to find out. We figured we would love our little one no matter, boy or girl, and you obviously can't change the sex anyway! It also was a little fun driving my mother bananas not knowing. ;)

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  20. With number four coming, there will be little time to get things ready after the baby has arrived. If this is a girl, I need to get things together, as this would be our first newborn daughter! I can't imagine trying to do that postpartum with three other ones running around!

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  21. We found out with our two boys and I liked planning ahead of their births and after, but it is a surprise you cannot duplicate. Sometimes I wish I had waited for that big announcement when our child came out.

    Lori

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  22. My cousin found out at 20 weeks that she was having a girl. At 38 weeks she fell down the stairs and went in for an emergency u/s to make sure the baby was ok (it was) and found out that she was actually a he. She had 2 weeks to redo a very girly room and sell all of the clothes that she had washed and buy boy ones. It was a crazy couple of weeks :)

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  23. We found out with our first. I had wanted a surprise but my husband was insistent. Well, it turned out to be a boy, and so he agreed - he got his boy, so now the following ones can be surprises. I always ruin surprises for myself, so I'm looking forward to my next pregnancy and being surprised. I say go for it!

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  24. I think you should be surprised. There are so few things in the world that are left to be a surprise, especially when you become a grown-up. why not wait for that wonderful moment in the delivery room when the doc yells, IT'S A ______!
    Just my opinion...
    Hap

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  25. We found out with our two boys. Our excuse was the the pregnancies were surprises so why have another surprise! Next time, we'll see. I think Drew will want to find out again, I am up in the air, I have been thinking lately, it would be fun to not know, although it usually drives me crazy when other people don't find out!

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  26. My brother actually found out with his first that it was a boy. Yeah, HER name is Kianna and SHE is just darling! But that was 9 years ago. I think the ultrasound nowadays are so much better at detecting the sex, among other things, if you want to know.

    I found out with both of mine and I was so excited to find out, Plus.. My husband says He ALWAYS wants to find out. Bummer.

    ARE YOU HOPING FOR A GIRL THIS TIME ROUND?

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  27. We have so few surprises in life anymore. If I were having another, I would want to be surprised.
    And that is my 2 pennies on that one.

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  28. I could not wait. Simply could not. I don't feel like I could enjoy the pregnancy as much because I'd be wishing for it to hurry along so I could find out what was growing inside me. I found out with both boys and it was very obvious. In fact, with number two I knew before she even said so because I could see the boy parts. lol

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  29. I hadn't PLANNED on finding out with The Boy, but it was a big unavoidable. With The Baby, her pregnancy was so hard that I felt like I needed to know more about her to help me through it.

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  30. With our first we did not find out and everyone (including myself) thought she was a boy. my "aunt" karen brought me a gift a few weeks before she was born. it was very girl themed...she said she is always right and that i would be having a girl. with #2 we agreed on finding out because we had so much girl stuff and low and behold we had another girl. so of course with #3 i was paranoid about having to stock up if we were having a boy (now having double the girl stuff), so we found out again - and we got our boy!

    we always kept their names as a suprise though - we personally found it uneventful to have a baby show up and already know the name and sex - but everyone is right - it's a personal choice! :)

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  31. I found out by ultrasound with each of my 3 boys. When I became pregnant with baby #4 I opted to NOT have an ultrasound due to the adverse affects of routine ultrasound on developing babies. Not worth the risks in my opinion. If there was a legitimate reason for one then I would prayerfully consider it..but not to find out the sex.
    And baby #4, as you know was a girl. :) I was elated when hubby made the announcement.

    Just be patient! You will know for sure when baby arrives!!!

    Staci

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  32. I found out with both my first baby (a boy and they were right!) and I just found out today what the gender of baby #2 is - they said GIRL!! So we will see. It looked pretty obvious to me and my hubby, but I'm a little more skeptical of the girl result than the boy result since I know a lot of people who were supposed to have girls but had boys. But I know a lot of people who were supposed to have girls and had girls too...I am all for finding out ahead of time though. :) Good luck with your decision!

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  33. Oh sweetie, there are so few surprises in life. I say go for the surprise. What a blessing when they pop out!!!!

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  34. i say go for it!! there is absolutely nothing like finding out the sex of your new baby the moment they are born. out of my 4 babies i have not found out beforehand with any of them :)

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  35. It is funny you should ask Stephanie!
    With my third child, I was told I was having a girl TWICE! And I had my c-section (my hubby didn't handle it so well this time, so he was out of the room) and they told me he was a boy (I totally thought Mr Snider was rezzing with me) but when they showed him to me (I will never understand how someone could have missed his genitalia!!) he was all boy! I was still elated but they are wrong sometimes. All in all I liked when they were a surprise. It is like the biggest gift you ever get to open. After a few kids you really don't have much to prepare anyways right?

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  36. I say be surprised! We didn't find out with Popeye, and actually since I really thought he was a boy I didn't even think about it when he was born, I just figured he was a boy! But I did find out ahead of time with both girls. But, I did get a lot of grief for not finding out! People really get upset that you're not finding out, isn't that crazy!?

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  37. we found out w/ caleb but not taite. im glad we didnt know with taite, made it a really fun surprise and so worth it!
    We did think he was a girl tho due to so many pregnancy differences. belly size, etc... but we never had an ultrasound to find out so it wasnt a nurses fault or anything.

    if we have a 3rd I wont be finding out again. it was very exciting.'its exiting either way tho but extra suspensful not knowing ;-)

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  38. I have always wanted to know what I was having. I knew with my first...girl and now I'm due in three weeks with another girl! I'm a super planner though and couldn't imagine not knowing. It exciting still to find out early!

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  39. IMO, it is a surprise either way...it's just a matter of how long you wait to find out the "surprise." I liked finding out the gender of Seth because my older kids were there with us and found out at the same time. This was nice, since I am not the type to ever let them be there for the actual delivery. However, finding out at the point of delivery is definitely more dramatic. Personal preference, really :-)

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  40. We were surprised both times, but I had to promise my hubby that if there is a third child some day, we will find out early.

    I just love the excitement of not knowing. It gets you through those rough days at the end... and gives you a little incentive during labor!

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  41. Reason not to find out: it's bad enough for babies that they come out naked for the whole room of people to see without doctors trying to check out their business in advance.

    Reason in favor of finding out: it spares you from listening to all the people with annoying theories about how the state of your navel, the size of your hips, and the shape of your nose are somehow contingent on the gender of your baby. We were surprised for both boys, but I was tempted to tell people we found out just so I wouldn't have to hear, "She's carrying diagonally, it's a boy," one more time.

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  42. I've had five so far, and never found out ahead of time with any of them. There's just something so special about waiting until the birth, but maybe that's just me, I'm old-fashioned that way.

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  43. I had to know! I'm a planner..... If I was going to get to buy pink- I would go crazy! And need time to go crazy!!! :)

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  44. I always have to know ASAP. But that's just me.

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  45. We didn't find out with our first. We were going to be surprised with our second as well but at the ultrasound when the midwife said don't look my husband looked and it was obvious he was a boy. I liked being prepared gender wise with my second so we have found out for 3 (boy) and 4 (girl). But I say if you want to be surprised go for it. About the doctor being wrong they weren't. My 4th we found out she was a girl at 20 weeks and at 32 weeks I asked them to make sure she didn't grow any parts. But I think the technology today is so advanced they don't make as many mistakes gender wise.

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  46. I just needed to know. I needed to. It must be the control freak in me. My husband is the same way so there was discussion about whether or not to find out with our daughter.

    My sister and her husband are expecting and they didn't want to find out what it is and I am going nuts. I want to know what they are having :)

    I have a friend who was told she was having a girl and it was a boy. Nicholas had a pink room for awhile :)

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  47. Out of 5 pregnancies, we have only found out once. We had two girls and something told me #3 was a boy, so we found out to be sure. Since then, all surprises. We love the anticipation of finding out what has been growing inside. Also, I have scheduled c-sections (after a first unscheduled one), so we know the date and approximate time of delivery, leaving the gender as the big surprise.

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  48. My mom never found out with the three of us, but I could never do it. If I could find out the day I knew I was preggo I would. If you decide not to find out, though, that could be pretty exciting!

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  49. I hate surprises and HAD to know. But that is just me. I say if you want to be surprised, go for it.

    All my ultrasounds were after 20 weeks and there was NO doubt that there were boy parts there. But I do know 3 people that had early ultrasounds (before 20 weeks) and they were wrong. But I don't know anyone that had an ultrasound after 20 weeks and it was wrong.

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  50. I love Adam's comment. Well, the more I think about it, I agree with you Steph. I think a surprise would be so much fun. I can remember the anticipation right before Jeff announced that he had a ball player when Noah was born. It was so exciting, so I am with you on this one....let's be surprised! It also keeps me out of the stores!

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  51. I DIDN'T know with my son, but I had a dream and it was so clear to me I just knew it was a boy and it was a boy.

    I say wait, it fun that way.

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  52. we found out with both kids, but if we ever have a 3rd, i'd love for it to be a surprise. :)

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  53. With both of mine at the beginning I wanted to be surprised but I just couldn't stand it either time and had to know!

    If you could do it I bet it would be fun!

    Heidi

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  54. you're pregnant!!!??
    congrats!!! i've been out of the loop. man, this will be your 4th, right? shoot, hats off to you. having 2 is kicking my ass up and down!

    i'm all for finding out. it's still a surprise. . . it just comes early!

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  55. I really think it's a personal decision, but I just LOVE the anticipation (and even excitement during labor) of not knowing the sex. I feel in our society everything is just so "instant" that a baby is worth the surprise and the wait. I have said before, if God wanted you to know early, he would have put a window in your bellybutton. HA!

    But, I am for sure the minority with my friends, and I rejoice with them no matter when they decide to find out.

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  56. I don't know of anyone personally who has been told one gender and the baby turned out to be the other, but through friends of friends I have heard about it!

    I'm just so impatient, I know I would have to find out or it would drive me nuts! But I think either way is fun - it's the love of the baby you're celebrating more than anything else!

    Jane, Pinks & Blues

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  57. I wait. I looooooooove waiting, and having it be a true surprise, and the guessing and all that :) I love the fact that we sooo think its one thing, and its not! so much fun! lol

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  58. I think it's more of a personal choice of course, but I don't see a problem with either option. It doesn't hurt to know, and it doesn't hurt to wait either...it just really depends on what you and your husband what. Do you want to know? Do you want to wait? It's totally your call (of course), just don't feel bad or regret what ever choice you did make, it's ok! :)


    Trying To Have a Baby - A Mother's Story

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  59. I didn't want to find out the first time but hubby convinced me that it would be easier to pick a name and get everything ready. He also thought that knowing the sex would make it easier to connect with the baby...instead of calling him "it" or "the baby" etc. Also, if it's a girl won't you have to go get some new clothes?!?

    My sister was told her 2nd baby was a boy for sure about 3 or 4 times but it ended up being a girl. I guess even with all this technology they can still make mistakes.

    **I am definately finding out this time!

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  60. Years ago, when I was pregnant, I didn't have the option of finding out or not, Steph. And let me tell you, it made me sad. I soooo wanted to know because the moment I found out I was pregnant, I started talking to my baby.

    I so wanted to know if I was talking to "him" or "her." When people called my unborn baby "it," it really bothered me. Babies are not "its."

    I can understand the fun of not knowing. But I'm so OCD, knowing in advance would have meant I could decorate my nursery in something wonderful in blue or pink, instead of the yellow gingham I settled for. I don't even like yellow. :-)

    My feeling? God is good and he gives us technology - go for it and enjoy every single moment, from the moment of conception on, and have fun planning for a boy or a girl. Even if it makes no difference is your actual house or decorating scheme, I think it makes your conversation with your unborn child so much more personal.

    Just my opinion. And admittedly, I'm way older than you. :-)

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  61. GO FOR THE SURPRISE!!!!!!!
    Best,
    Audrey

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  62. Good for you! We are not a delayed gratification sort of family over here. So I always think it's cool when others can do that, but know I could NEVER do it myself.

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  63. We were surprised with our first and third and found out with our middle. I prefer not knowing. I figure it is probably one of life's biggest, if not the biggest surprise, so why not prolong it?

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