Someone said it best at our little park playgroup the other day. We are running on fumes. There is a lot going on right now in every Mom's life that I know, and we have tremendous pressure, too many things to do in such a short day, so much to be responsible for, and top it off with very little sleep.
I need your prayers. I took Noah to the opthamologist today. He has suffered from amblyopia (eye crossing) for several years now and we decided to get a third opinion today. It seemed to be less noticeable over time, but since he's started first grade and reading, the crossing has worsened. His sweet teacher called me last week to express her concern and I immediately made another appointment.
The first doctor had him in glasses for a while and the second doctor said the glasses were no good but he just had to have surgery. On both eyes. After everything we've been through with Noah, I will tell you that I desperately want to avoid ever putting him under anesthesia again, let alone do surgery on his eyes! We decided to try patching the eye for a while and then he seemed to be doing ok until now.
Today's appointment was miserable, but the one good thing we got out of it was confirmation that he does indeed require surgery. Just definitely not by the doctor we saw today. I was practically in tears in the doctor's office, and it wasn't because he needs surgery. It's just everything feels like an overwhelming weight on top of me right now.
I am usually much stronger than this (on the outside). But right now, I need your prayers. I need that good cry.
When I look at my precious Noah, I hurt. I do not want this for him. On the one hand I am so grateful that this is the only surgery he needs. He dodged brain surgery and a life of seizures. We can surely handle a little eye surgery! There are certainly parents out there right now that would only wish this was the only problem their child was facing at this moment.
But then on the other hand, this is my child. My baby. I love him and don't want him to have to go through this right now. The Mama Cat in me rises up. He's already been through enough. Me- as his mother- has already been through enough.
But I- as his mother- am tough enough to get through this.
Arianne wrote to me tonight: ...God is bigger. He is bigger than the horrible day you've had, bigger than the jerk doctor, and bigger than the surgery. He holds it all in His hands.
Of course I already know this. I'm a pitiful example sometimes. But I'm human. And I am soooooooo thankful God is God.
Noah is fearfully and wonderfully made. This is true. Tonight I will probably have my good cry, on my pillow, during prayer time when everyone is asleep. And then I will rest. And remember that I don't have to play strong anymore. I don't have to carry this weight. I release it right now.