June 4, 2007

Frilly Might Be Nice

Just a couple weeks ago I wrote this:

They Beckon Me

There is a huge open box of maternity clothes staring at me as I type. They are taunting me, asking to be worn again- or given away for good? Will I ever know the answer to this?

We think we are done with having kids, but it's not official. Having these clothes in my possession makes me nervous. I had given my whole pregnancy wardrobe away, but like a Ouija Board, they keep coming back.

Not many people know this, but about a year ago we tried to get pregnant with a fourth child. For the first time in our lives, we were unable to make a baby. Our older boys were "surprises" and only 17 months apart. Our youngest son was our "planned" baby that we conceived on the first night. After a few months of trying we became unsure if we were ready for a fourth child. We agreed that we were quite content as a party of five.


I worry that the moment I give these clothes away, I'll suddenly need them. But I also think that if I keep them here, I'll need them. And I'm not so sure I
want to need them. Does this make sense? No matter that they'll most likely be out of style anyway. They represent something deeper than just fabric with more give in the middle.

They are asking me if another life will inhabit my body, nurse at my chest, take hold of my heart. They stare me down... and I close the box.


And since I wrote this, hubby and I have been talking & praying about it- again.

Anyone have any good tips on how to have a girl?




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54 comments:

  1. Oh about those lovely pregnancy wardrobe...

    I've given them away already after giving birth to Jerome.

    But guess what...I want to need it now...

    LOL.

    BTW, you're tagged! ;-)

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  2. To have a girl, huh?! Its all on the hubbie! I'll email you! I don't want to be too graphic!

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  3. I'm teary. We are going through a similar dilema. It's a really choice to make and then to know there's a chance that if you set your heart on it... it may not happen! But I'm no longer worried, just nervous LOL...

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  4. This is a sweet post. Let God lead you and whatever happens will be right.

    How to get a girl? Not sure; we got one the first time around. However, I remember that there were some theories and tips on gender in the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. You might want to see if you can get it at your library.

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  5. You find out any girl tricks please let me know!!

    We have decided to try again..crazy it seems. That's all I keep thiking...am I crazy...another baby! Then I think..the last one couldn't have been my last pregnancy, my last nuring baby....just can't be. So we are trying again! This month!

    I am crazy! Oh Steph..4 boyS!!!!

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  6. Pray, Pray, and Pray some more. I totally believe God grants us the desires of our hearts. That doesn't mean He gives us everything we want, but those true deep desires, I believe He wants to give to us. I wanted a boy more than anything the first time around, for very Unselfish reasons, and we had a boy. But almost 10 years later when we were finally able to conceive again and "hold onto" another pregnancy (I had lost several), I wanted a girl more than I ever thought I would (I surely thought if I ever had another one, I would want a boy - until I got pregnant again.) And again, God granted my deep desire. I'm NOT saying that He always works this way, as He truly does know better than us what we need, but I really believe He wants us to have those things that are truly important to us. He's granted a few other of my true desires too, so I completely believe!
    Best wishes!!!

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  7. It is a hard decision. We struggled with years of infertility treatments. I remember praying that God give us another child or take the desire away from me. Within a month of praying that, we conceived our daughter. Since her birth, I have been completely content with our family.

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  8. my dad actully gave my husband a tip!! how awkward.... he said "dont burry it!" ::turns red:: I cant believe he told my husband this... weird!!!!!!
    but it work for my dad cause here i am.

    we never tried it. but it did make sense. female sperm is slower but stronger... so the male sperm if BURRIED LOL jets off really fast and makes it to the egg before the females before loosing energy.. but the female sperm if you dont burry it ::im seriously cringing each time i type that:: has a longer journey... so because they are stronger the males loose strength and the females get there 1st. make sense? ok im done! LOL

    BTW you were adorable preggo!

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  9. Well, in my own experience, when you're done, you'll KNOW it. But I know not everyone experiences that.

    After 2, I didn't know if I wanted another, and when we did get pregnant (unintentionally) with Rebecca, I cried for days b/c I didn't want to be pregnant again and start all over in the baby department. (Hubby wanted more all along, still would have more, although he's been surgically altered, HA!)

    Anyway, the whole time I was preggo with #3, I just KNEW she was the last. I had a miserable pregnancy and vowed never to do it again. And I've never doubted that decision once. It's a GREAT feeling to give stuff away, KNOWING I am done for good.

    So I want to say that if you're in doubt, go for it. But again. Just b/c my experience was so cut-and-dried, I realize that doesn't mean every else's will be.

    There are days I think I hate to say goodbye to these baby stages forever, but I really don't ever regret taking permanent measures to be done.

    Probably doesn't help, does it?

    Incidentally, I know quite a few people who had 3 boys and their 4th was a girl. Most of those had unexpected 4th pregnancies.

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  10. I totally understand what you are saying. I held onto a few of my maternity clothes as well. If I knew the answer to having a girl I would surely tell you!

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  11. You're praying through it...and God will be faithful to answer your prayers!

    As for advice on how to conceive a girl, don't ask me. I obviously don't know! : )

    Happi

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  12. I completely understand how you feel. At least you're young enough where you still have time to change your mind a few times, kwim? That may sound odd, but I think it's good to have the flexibility to take it day by day. Or month by month. lol.

    I know God will answer your prayers. I hope it happens in a clear way for you to understand His answer.

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  13. Keep praying... You will probably know when you are "done." I know I still feel as though our family is incomplete.

    As far as getting a girl, try the Shettles method. Our twin girls were a surprise but the Shettles method really does work!

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  14. Ok, Drea was totally crackin' me up with that comment!!! LOL!!! I have two girls, and no idea how to make them! Sorry! I'm hoping this one is a boy! We'll see in 3 months! AND I'm trying to talk thehubs into a 4th already and the 3rd is not even here! He's not going for it. We'll see! I'll pray for you and you pray for me!

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  15. I gotta say, I'm not sure I buy all those "making a girl" methods, but I guess you can always have fun trying! LOL

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  16. Have you ever heard of a chinese birth chart?
    http://www.webwomb.com/chinesechart.htm
    Okay, so it's not 100% acurate, but according to this chart all 3 of my boys were supossed to be boys. Atleast look and see what your boys were "supossed" to be and see if it's right. I actually know someone who tried to have a boy off this chart and they did!

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  17. Oh, but to have 4 boys!! That would be wonderful!! Think of all the little men you would have, that adore you!

    (Just trying to give the boys an equal say, here!)

    I guess I get really uncomfortable when people go on about trying for a certain gender. Especially when it comes to having a girl after several boys... as if there's something incomplete about having a family of boys. Check out www.itsgoodtobethequeen.com - a website of moms with lots of boys, and the things we go through!

    Another baby? Hmmmm... if money and time (and patience) weren't an issue, I would love another child. But there are several issues with my oldest and I have come to the conclusion that another child would probably be HARMFUL to his well being... at least at the time. So we're done at 3.

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  18. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt when we were finished having kids. There is a positive feeling -- you'll know it when it hits you.

    As for having a girl, I haven't done much reading on that. I always left it up to God to decide what sex our children were. I always leaned towards having boys (and he gave us two), but if a girl was meant to be, I would welcome that too. I never really cared.

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  19. Have you read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"? We read it for both birth control and pregnancy acheivement, and the author has some ideas about your question. ;) Of course, she'll readily admit, it's really mostly up to a host of things you can't control, but they can't hurt.

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  20. I can totally relate to this post. I've always wanted four kids and would love to add two little girls to the family. Or two more boys would be a blessing too ;)

    As far as having a girl the only thing I've heard to be proven is to have sex a couple days before you ovulate because the girls swim slower...so the boy sperm will die off before you ovulate and the girls will make it.

    I don't know if it works all the time, but both times I've gotten pregnant with my boys it was right on or right after I ovulated. So, maybe there is something to it?

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  21. Wanna know hat WE did?. . . I stood on my head! LOL Try it. . .

    Ohh and about the baby cloths I just recently gave mine away ;-(

    But I figure that the way I BLESSED someone with all those nice clothes...he will look after me if I ever get pregnant again!

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  22. I'm with Tracey- (only because I am TERRIFIED of having a girl!) but a little you would be oh so sweet. And yes, taking charge of your fertility does have some great pointers. They have it at our library, but it's really an own it type of book...

    xoxo,
    Ashlee

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  23. I'm waiting to see what our little one will be, but I'm hoping for a girl too. Not sure I can help you more than all the other people here. I did read Taking Charge of YOur Fertility though, and it's and EXCELLENT book! I was just happy to get pregnant this time, never mind trying to pick the sex!

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  24. Sorry I have no helpful hints on making a girl. I'll cross my fingers for you though!!!

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  25. if only i did. all my friends have boys and wanted girls (at least one!) and it was so hard to tell them i was having one. . .especially when i was totally prepared for and happy to have a boy!

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  26. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. I spent way too much time this weekend staring at my maternity bras, wondering if the time had come to say good-bye - but found that I couldn't, that I needed to hold onto them, onto this tangible proof of my fecundity.
    And yes, I do have some tips about conceiving girls, but they're raunchy, so if you want to hear them, email me.

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  27. Girl swimmers are slower but last longer, so baby dancing before you ovulate is the way to go! But don't baby dance when you do ovulate. 5,4, and 3 days before you ovulate, then wait it out.
    I'm thinking about selling my materinity clothes so I WILL get pregnant again, hehe. Thats they way to be sure it happens, get rid of everything. My husband didn't think it was funny when I said I should sell the clothes. He's happy with 7 kids. But then, last night, as we sat down to eat with just our two babies, he said how lonely it was with just two. I think we should have 2 more so that we don't end up with 7+ years of only 2 kids in the house!

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  28. You and Audrey are in the same boat... 3 boys... want to try for a girl next time! You should definitely exchange tips!

    But seriously, that Chinese Birth Chart is scary accurate. You should try using that.

    Good luck!

    Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

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  29. That's funny, lately I've been thinking 4 might be my "magic" baby number too! Although, I'm not quite even half way there yet! #2 will be joining the family in about a month...so we'll just take it one baby at a time for now.
    I'm supposed to be having a little girl this time around - but I won't be totally convinced until I see her in the flesh! My hubby's family has not had a girl born into it in roughly 60 years! I think the power of prayer is your best bet - and maybe get your hubby to take some hot baths and wear "tighty whiteys" - I have friends who swear by it!

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  30. Hold on to those closes, girl! You jsut never know what God has in store. As for methods of gender selection, we have quite a few freinds who swear by the Shettle's Method: http://www.babyhopes.com/choosesexofbaby.html.
    We know nada, as you know. ;) We have no clue how we got Sophia to begin with. oh yeah... God. ;)

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  31. You are too cute pregnant not to be again! Just kidding, I know how you look doesn't decide if you should have more kids or not. I can't help too much with the girl thing because I have two boys, but I have heard the sex before ovulation tip many times from well meaning people who know I want a girl...someday.

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  32. I'll bet you have the best maternity wardrobe in the world! That's reason enough to go for another one, isn't it??!! :-)

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  33. girls are slow swimmers but are more resilient than boys. :)

    that's my advice. any advice on how to have a boy?

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  34. Kathy/ Lessons from the LaundryJune 04, 2007 4:55 PM

    I say ditch the wardrobe. You keep it because you're practical, but ultimately there is very little that will look good, feel good or is in season in that stuff. If there are a few standard pieces keep them, but otherwise start over. Now that EVERYONE has maternity there are so many choices and they are often cheap. You'll feel better in new stuff and if it is your last it will feel decadent.

    Good luck with the trying...or should I say, have fun with the trying!

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  35. Hmmm .... I am in the same dilema regarding my mat clothes. Hubby says that we are done, but for some reason it is so hard for me to say that I am done. There is always that "what if" situation. If maintaining pregnancies weren't such an issue for me, we would probably happily have more.

    Perhaps you could donate some of them to a women shelter or something?

    As for a girl: best of luck. I have one of each and am not sure what I did differently to have it as such. I concur with previous posters about Taking Charge of Your Feritily book: fabulous book in general about a woman's body.

    Best of luck in your decisions Steph. For some reason, I just think that it is hard for some women to think that they are done. After all, being pregnant and being a mom is so natural to most of us that it is something that we are so proud of and enjoy with all of our hearts.

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  36. Praying that God will give you wisdom as you make this important decision!

    Maybe you can "trick"the maternity clothes into THINKING they're leaving. Put them in a box marked "Salvation Army" and hide it in your garage or attic. That way they're out of sight, but available if you need them, and if they THINK they're being given away, they won't be able to influence the outcome. LOL!

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  37. Isn't it funny how "powerful" those clothes are? I can not have any more children... and I wanted several more. I was told in no uncertain terms by two doctors that I would not survive another pregnancy. Guess what's still sitting in my closet, as the 1st birthday of my baby approaches? Yup. My stash of maternity clothes. I just can't part with them. :(

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  38. Hehehe.. I loved reading everyone's opinions about how to have boys/girls :) My DH's boss who is expecting his 2nd daughter told my hubby to 'not drill so deep' if he wants a girl :) haha (they work in the oil/drilling industry)

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  39. You know that I love that post! :-) I think I've finally come to terms with the fact that I really don't want to be pregnant again. :-(

    You look so cute pregnant. I'm sure that God will give you the answer that you are looking for. Maybe if it's too hard to close that door, then maybe you already have your answer. I dunno. :-)

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  40. I've read in "Taking Control of Your Fertility" (can't remember the author's name at the moment) that you can increase your chances of having a girl by the timing of intercourse during your cycle.

    I didn't read up on it much though, because frankly - we never cared. :) Of course, we've got a boy and two girls already.

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  41. Praying about it is the way to go, Steph. I so understand how they stare at you though. All Liam's baby clothes do the same thing. I can't let go of them yet.

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  42. Steph, You look so adorable in this picture. Yeah, just pray about it and God will lead and guide in the direction you need to take. You know that I will always welcome another grand-child, boy or girl...

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  43. I agree with the previous poster(s) about having 4 boys and getting uncomfortable when someone starts trying for a specific gender. If you were guaranteed to have another boy, would you try anyway?

    Good luck and keep praying. God knows what's best for you, even if it's different than what YOU think is best for you.

    I'm not sure if we're done (we're probably not) but I'm putting most of my maternity clothes in a garage sale and keeping only the pieces I love and I know I'll wear again if I get pregnant. I'm selling about 2/3 of my maternity clothes. I'm keeping the dressier stuff and the more expensive stuff.

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  44. It'll happen just as it should, how exciting.

    Do you know what day you ovulate? I think the closer you have sex to your ovulation, higher chances of a boy so try a couple days before? We had sex the morning I ovulated w/Cricket and well, he's definitely a boy. Theories of course...How much $ do you have, I'm sure you can gaurantee a girl the highly medical way but what fun is that?

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  45. I know this is a random comment, but you totally look like Kelly Clarkson in the picture. I thought it was a post about her at first glance....

    I think the other commenters have all said what I would - keep praying and trust God.

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  46. I don't see a thing wrong admitting that you would like to experience parenting a girl. That doesn't mean that you wouldn't love a boy if you had another one so don't feel bad!

    Actually, I am sort of hoping for a boy this time around just because I would like to experience the joy of having a son. Baby girls are welcome too, though.

    Best wishes with whatever your family decides . :-)

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  47. What an exciting thing to be thinking about another new life! I'm so happy for you!

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  48. Well five boys later I will have to say..........NOOOOOOOO!! hahaha It is the daddy gene, but I am sure you know that..lol. Anyhoooo...good luck!!

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  49. Oh, I almost forgot. About your maternity clothes...

    If you like to sew at all, I say keep them and make a crazy quilt out of them and some of your kids' baby clothes. Or pay someone to do it. It's kind of a compromise - you get to keep them, but not the same way.

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  50. You know my vote, although I REALLY like that maternity shirt you're wearing... ;)

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  51. Well, I didn't read all 50 comments so if I am repeating another - please forgive me for doing so. :o)

    A friend tried for a girl and her husband's family hadn't had a girl in 4 generations - no girls at all!!

    She read a book and she had the first girl!! :o) Girl sperm is slower but can survive a little longer. So find out when you ovulate and 'have fun' a day or two before you ovulate. Supposedly the day of ovulation or after produces boys b/c those little sperm are fast.

    Good luck and I am sure you will be thrilled whether it be boy or girl!
    Many blessings!!

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  52. HMM - well I think I need a man - LOL I soo want to have another baby - either boy or girl, but with being single and being told I probably would not have another child after 30 (I just turned 30) I doubt it will ever happen.

    I think honestly, as long as the baby is healthy thats all we ever really want anyway.

    My neighbor 2 doors down was in the same situation she has 2 boys (3 and 1 1/2) and they decided one more - she's 5 months pregnant with a girl - she's soo excited but scared, she said "all I know is boys."

    Be blessed, and know that all good things come in time - you will make the right decision - I just know it ;)

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  53. Hi first time posting, but I can totally relate. I think we are done though. I say it with a sigh, but still done. However if we could guarentee a boy we'd be more tempted. We have 2 girls.

    I'm enjoying your blog. I will visit again for sure!

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  54. Hey Steph,

    To a mama of 3 boys... I can relate. It's funny b/c I would take 10 boys too... but, I would absolutely love to create a daughter as well.

    I would love to send yu a copy of the book I wrote (sorry if anything is spelled wrong - feeding benjamin while typing with 1 finger!). Our book gives "tips" on conceiving a girl and a boy - Preconception Plain & Simple is the title... we're on amazon and we even ha Courteney Cox mail us a note that she loved it!

    So love to send you one... !! Email me your address: audrey523@mac.com

    And... my doc in NYC gave me (supposedly) a full proof approach to girl - I have NOT done this (yet!).

    Have sex 2-3 days before ovulation... you be on top... and possibly douche w/ vinegar.

    Ok... he had 2 boys and then a girl!!

    Also, after ding research for my book... the sex can also be determined by a woman... if her uterus is more acidic it's attracting female sperm... if alkaline, boy sperm. So you can also eat more acidic foods...

    xoxo,
    Audrey
    Pinks & Blues Girls

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