April 5, 2015

The things we do to feel like home.

Easter 2015
Easter greetings 2015, a time of a strange hair phase for the Precourt kids.

It's an interesting place to be in - far away from family and where you grew up - while living in a house you're selling and not knowing where the next one will be. I stepped outside this morning to look at the sun rising and then turned to see the blue ocean behind me. It's a dull ache, like I'm not allowed to love it enough because we are leaving. And at the same time I feel homesick for home far away.

We don't do the Easter bunny here. It's just something we never did, and I'm not sure why. I grew up with epic baskets on Easter morning and the house smelling like ham with pineapples.

After a week of thinking about all the things I grew up doing: Sunday School, Easter dresses and bonnets, baskets and how my kids don't know any of that... I came to the peaceful decision that they aren't missing out. We can't repeat everything. I had my childhood and they get to have theirs. If some things carry over, it will happen naturally.

So, totally unplanned, yesterday I suddenly found myself driving to the dollar store and the toy shop and the candy place to fill some Easter baskets. It was fun to set them out after the kids were asleep knowing they weren't expecting it at all. And if this means I will have to keep at this every year, well, it's nice to know you can start a tradition half way through a childhood.

And home can be just about anywhere if you let it.


March 15, 2015

And here, the Ides of March



Here's some things to write down: I didn't think it would be like this. This time I'm in, where I am, how I am handling it all. Not saying I am disappointed or not, it's just that I didn't think it would be like this.

Before we moved to Ohio I knew we were ready for a change, long overdue actually. So when we ended up finding out that we had to move again so soon from there I took it hard. Most people would say it was a good thing that I didn't lay down any roots but I saw it as missing out on even having the chance to plant something. I soon found that I would love it here- the ocean, the quiet, the far-awayness, the people. And it's time to leave again. I do think it is time, or eventually it will be. I'm glad to stay as long as we're allowed.

This mom thing... to four kids, to a kid struggling with illness, to teenagers, to making so many decisions for so many things and the constant river rushing in my head wondering if any of these are right. I didn't think it would be like this. The discovery that I'm more of a presence than a person. It's my duty to go unnoticed because they shouldn't have to even think about mom. I just am. And mostly that's a bittersweet relief.

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In happier news, Asher and Ivy were together again for the first time since Ohio. Their visit came at the perfect time and I'm so glad we were able to show them this magical place while we're still here. It was very hard to say goodbye and a hard push back into reality after they were gone. We've had nothing but showings and play practice and doctor's visits and LTYM and Jeff gone more than he is here. I think I'm actually doing really well with all of that, and we have a good two weeks coming up where we'll all be together the whole time.


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Things to look forward to: Carter & Ivy's play, another Seattle trip, spring break, finding our new house...

February 7, 2015

Things to write down :: first of Feb


We got to our hotel on Tuesday night and I looked out the window at the glowing Space Needle and thought we've got to stop meeting this way. 

It was an actually okay drive. We beat traffic there and back and I'll just say that I'm glad to not be in a car right now. The infusion went fast- I'll definitely be asking for more 8am start times. He's growing in weight and height. This is very very good. I even slipped in a little visit with Joy- one of our new directors for LTYM: Seattle. She came to see me at the hospital. Noah and I hightailed it out of there when we were done before noon and were home before bedtime.

My leg is okay. Not great but not as bad as last time. My back is much better, but at least now I know that what I'm dealing with is definitely related to the drives. It won't always be like this...

I had a lot of time to think and decided to start letting the sadness about all this set in. If I don't start feeling it now it will only get worse. And I found this week of rain and windy storms pretty comforting as well as the decision that it's better get through the depression than be pulled out of it. I gotta finish this off. I think the massages and awareness of what and how I'm feeling is helping a lot. Can't bury this stuff under a fake smile any more.

We had two showings this week- I think to the same people. Don't really want to ask to clarify. We have no place to go if someone does want to buy. Also, I need a moment or few. The house is really really clean.

This morning I woke to Jeff making breakfast and everyone in happy moods. We all ate together (gluten free pancakes and sausage and fruit) and we've done absolutely nothing the entire day. It's been the long-est day ever and I love it. I have been resting up, watching Datelines with Jeff, listening to podcasts while I play Candy Crush, reading Charlotte's Web to Ivy. The rain would beat down and then there'd be a huge rainbow. Tonight it's supposed to storm and we might even see lightning and hear thunder- I never get to see it here on the coast and do miss that about Indiana.

Ivy and Carter start rehearsals for a new play tomorrow and other than that it's looking like we'll order up a repeat of today's events. Next week, so far, is looking calm, too.

"Every day was a happy day, and every night was peaceful." -Charlotte's Web
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