This Is Not My Soliloquy

When I first started blogging, I didn't realize that there was really anyone else out there like me, and I never would have thought they'd read what I had to say. I was talking to myself and that was quite alright. Suddenly what I was doing had a title- Mommy Blogger- and I found out my little corner of the Internet was actually in a really really big neighborhood. A community actually. One that continues to grow and water itself and grow some more. And I love being a part of it. I love that I'm not talking to myself anymore (at least online...)

So I'm a Mommy Blogger and I write about Mommy stuff and life stuff and how much I love my kids and never want them to leave my side and then the next day how I can't wait to get away from them. All the blogs I read, the people that leave comments here, and my readers- you are all my entourage. I take you with me wherever I go. What a resource to have in any time of need. I can reach out and have an answer in an instant- right at my finger tips. Who needs Google anymore when you've got a Mommy Blogger on your side? We know people. We know lots of people. We're a strong army of knowledge and wit and emotion and power.

We don't have to hang out in real life to care about each other, cry on virtual shoulders, and lift each other up or make each other laugh. From the truly heartfelt and thoughtful gifts like dresses to the congratulatory flowers delivered to my doorstep yesterday from my blogging friend MJ. I feel the love. And it rocks. You rock.

So next week I get to have another little get away. A night out in the big windy city and an opportunity to share my voice as a Mommy Blogger. Maria Bailey from BSM, one of my favorite people, is bringing some companies and bloggers together to help set the record straight next week for something she's calling Mommy Monologues. How do we want our voice to be heard? How do we want to be approached about product reviews and as a brand?

And do you want to be approached at all? We're a target market. Maybe one of the biggest. Because when someone in my online entourage says something, I listen. And that has more power than any magazine or commercial you're going to fast forward during The Office tonight.

But what we have to say is worth something. To each other, we share freely. When companies want to cash in on this "something special" that we all have, we have to wise up. Kick off the Crocs and put on our lipstick and power heels and think this through. We remain in charge of where this is all going. Because without our everyday rants and raves and cries for help, without our openness and honesty and reality, there is no voice.

If you've chosen to rebel against marketing to Moms and ads and the commercialization of it all, stand your ground. I applaud the bloggers who know that route isn't for them and stick with it. But if you're like me and are open to what professional possibilities lie ahead, I invite you to come along for the ride. Maria has formed a new site called Mom Select for the Mom Bloggers that want to learn more about connecting with companies. This is a great place for you if you aren't sure where to start. And ask me anything- I am always glad to help. There isn't anything I won't share with you. I've gotten where I am today because of other bloggers, too. We're all in this together. It's not a competition. It's not a race to who gets the most comments or has the most touching or funniest post of the day. It's just about being you and being real. There is strength, there is purity, and there is community in that.

And so, if I'm being honest, when I said yesterday that we don't have cookies for breakfast or even lunch... well... if I said that this morning, I'd be lying.

This Kid

At an unexpected moment every day I am reminded that Gray won't be "the baby" for long. Although I still call all my boys my babies, he won't be the baby anymore. And he's been the baby for a while now.

Every day is getting better with this kid. We have had some rough times. Some drama. Ok, a lot of drama. From the moment he wakes in the morning to the moment he fights sleep at night. But each day is better. Each morning brings a bigger smile and less tears.


Maybe he's finally getting the hang of this being a two year old thing. It can't be easy, I suppose. What with being waited on hand and foot and loved every moment of the day... imagine! But it's a lot of life and living and being loved by so many people to take in around here. A lot of learning that the world doesn't necessarily spin and stop when he wants it to, and that cookies are not to be eaten for breakfast or even lunch for that matter. Only sometimes.

But look at this kid's smile. The fact that I'm seeing it more and more is a light in my day. I was concerned the scowl and brood was going to be his signature look. This baby is, gulp, turning into a boy.

A boy.

Goodbye to his tears and hello to mine.

Perfectly Content And Then Some

Last night was one of those rare occasions where the bedtime routine went just as I hope. With me and my three boys snuggled in Noah's bed telling stories and talking life in a seven-year-old, five-year-old, and two-year-old fashion.

I feel emotions with all of my senses, smelling little heads and caressing soft cheeks. I feel like life is complete, they are everything, my heart is full. So very full.

And I looked at that bed of us piled together, realizing in just a few months there will be a newborn baby. A little girl watching on, wide-eyed at these big brothers, this family of comics, wrestlers, and storytellers. This family that is already so fulfilled, how blessed we are to have a new life join the party. It's more than we could have ever wanted. And then some.

oh so pretty

I do feel pretty. And fresh. And free. Thanks in full to Be Design. Isn't it just lovely?

I just think it's me.

And that's just what I needed.

So take a look around and I'll do a little twirl or two for you.

Beth of I Should Be Folding Laundry fame is the heart and soul and life behind this fantastic new look of mine, created by her blog design company Be Design. Just one year ago this month we met in real life, but it feels like I've known her forever, and I feel like I will know her forever.

Be Design is currently offering a grand opening special where you can receive a full blog makeover for 50% off through this Thursday, May 15th. Just send them an email and they will add you to the queue! And you so want to get added to their queue. Make your blog you!

She's Gone Skirty

I know. I've gone crazy with the girliness. But I just found out, okay? And it's something I'm just going to milk for a while. Deal. I'm having a girl and it's fabulous. It's not like I'm gonna go paint everything pink or anything, but if I wanted to, I would. Cause I'm having a girl.

And my friend Gabrielle has some girly news of her own. Her popular site sk*rt has a new name (one I really really love and I will maybe give you the hint that it includes one or more letters of our baby girl's name) and is now called kirtsy. You need to update all your links and badges and check that place out. It's the it place to be. Why the name change? You can find that out here.

And so there. Girls rule. I might even have something new going on here with my own girly twirly self in the next few days. So stay tuned. This is the place to be, too. It's girls gone wild.

Girl Power

I'm already giving off that girly scent. My niece Abigail was all snuggled up to me yesterday at dinner and couldn't get enough of her new friend in my belly.

The Mother Of All Mother's Days

Stephanie is having a girl. I will have a daughter.

I think I'm still in shock, to be honest. I never thought of myself as a Mom to a girl. It makes me think about the daughter I wasn't to my own Mom. Maybe I'm making up for it now, I don't know, because I try to show my appreciation and make up for all the angsty-ness my Mom had to go through with me for much too long. This Mother's Day, this Sunday, as I celebrate knowing I have a little girl forming inside me, this post is for my Mom.

There are so many times I wanted to say thank you but my teenage pride got in the way. I remember so clearly the late nights of you driving me to play practice, long trips of me making you suffer through my moody Sarah McLachlan, REM, and Nirvana mix tapes. The long drives of me sitting in silence, brooding. Not knowing what was happening in my life and I only wonder what you must have felt, not knowing what was happening with this daughter of yours. This daughter that I know you wanted to dress in nice outfits and I only wanted to wear ratty thrift shop clothes. This little girl that scowled and rolled eyes until you were probably sure they'd fall out of her head.

I felt every bit of love you had for me. But I'm afraid you could never feel mine. It was there. Beneath the makeup and the closed bedroom door and the candles burning in my room. I really did want to hug you. To crawl in bed with you. And to wish away my uncertainties and life that was just so hard at thirteen, fifteen, any-teen. If only I had known then what I know now.

If only you had known then what I'm saying now.

I am so glad we are where we are. I am so relieved to be on this side of life. This side of the red hair dye and this side of my self image.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I'm going to have a daughter!

P.S. Even though I dressed like a bum, you have to admit I always had great shoes...

And So It Begins

I bought her first dress.

And Deep Down I Knew

This morning during the brief moments I gathered my thoughts in the shower, I was reminded of the pregnancies with my boys. With each one, hubby and I knew what their name would be if they were a boy, but we never had a good feeling about a girl name. With this pregnancy, the only name we feel is right, is truly the name of this baby, is a girl's name.

So I wondered if that was an indication. So many parts of me felt like I was carrying a daughter, the first daughter for our family of sons, but was that just a secret desire? Was it something I was longing for?

When the ultrasound technician was showing us our baby for the first time on the screen today, I was mesmerized by the beating heart. The little arms moving, legs bent, ribs showing. I was in awe at this life inside me, living and moving around and safe. When she asked if we'd like to know if it was a boy or girl, we said yes please. But until that moment I kinda forgot to look for that "part." I was lost in the miracle.

I keep playing it over and over in my mind. Her pointing the little computer arrow to my baby's underside and saying, "it's a little girl."

Smiles filled the room and I just looked at her and said "are you sure are you sure are you sure?" Because we've never been this way before. My baby was giving us quite the show and the tech said she is very sure.

And we are very excited. And walking on clouds. And smiling. A lot. We've never been this way before, and I'm liking the change of scenery already.

Stay Tuned...

Big reveal coming very soon...

















21 weeks

Fill Me Up

I dreamed all night about my ultrasound. That I forgot to drink the water. That I went today and thought it was Friday and my ultrasound isn't until tomorrow. That I was in a pool of water being chased by a funny toad with teeth. What?

The big day is tomorrow. Well, one of the big days. The first day I'll see who has been kicking me a lot the past several weeks. And we just might find out if this is a he or she inside me.

When I had my first big ultrasound with Noah, I wanted to do everything right, so I was so upset when I couldn't get all that water down. I thought I'd be in trouble. I nervously told the ultrasound tech that I drank most of the water, but not all. She asked how much I thought I drank and I said- maybe 60 oz? Her eyes grew wide and and she said you only had to drink 32! I thought it was 64. Oops. No wonder.

So tomorrow- 32 ounces it is... and I start drinking that about an hour before- right? See, I still have to look this stuff up! And if you want to be in the know the very moment we find out boy or girl, I'll be tweeting from my phone at the doctor's office (after we call our family first, of course.)