February 1, 2017

Fluffy Unicorn

Perle cottage socks

I've been doing pretty great on my promise to knit something every day. I finished some socks that I love, basically combining a bunch of mini skeins I had and to me they totally match. Instead of eating my feelings I'm switching gears to binging on beautiful yarn. I started a cardigan for Ivy with the sparkly rainbow yarn named Fluffy Unicorn. It helps.

Today Noah and I are at his first infusion in Portland. They don't have the rapid infusion process in place like Seattle (but they said they're working on it) however they also don't only allow diet sodas in the entire hospital so I am drinking a regular Coca-Cola right now. It's the little things.

January 8, 2017

Today I turn 40.

Turning 40 years old feels like... nothing I was expecting, mainly because it doesn't feel like anything. My bones don't creak, I feel no different than any other day, or year from the past twenty or so years, really. Isn't it one of those milestones where it's supposed to feel like a big deal? I think I'm just the kind of person who doesn't feel the big deals. The little deals... now that's another story.

Because I've been blogging forever, I can look back to the post from when I turned 30:

Apparently I didn't have a lot to say. Those pictures, though. 

I do remember turning 30, I remember that night because we went out to Buffalo Wild Wings in Valpo with the kids and had a fun family meal, and Jeff gave me a ring.

Probably the most stuff and adventures of my life so far happened in the last ten years, for sure. The biggest lesson being to expect only the unexpected. That's what my thirties and motherhood has taught me. And that journey brought me here, to realize living in this moment right now, these breaths are the only guarantee, and unexpectedly that is how to really feel alive.

Marking my 40th, we were snowbound in Oregon at home and thankfully Jeff thought to get a cake and take me out for a really nice dinner the night before the storm hit, and I ordered a Sage Sapphire Collins and then a lemon drop, and after dinner we went shopping at Target to stock up for the storm. We bought puzzles and a retro Sorry game, and a bunch of other random things. He gave me an Apple Watch aka Inspector Gadget Spy watch that I weirdly like a whole lot, and we came home and watched Wheel of Fortune with Ivy and Gray snuggled in our bed.

We spent all day yesterday in our snow globe as the biggest flakes and flurries fell around us. We put together a puzzle, watched movies while I knit, went sledding, and I made a big pot of minestrone for dinner.

This morning I opened more gifts and then we put away the Christmas decorations. Tonight I'm excited the Golden Globes decided to show up for my bday. We are about to dig into the cake.

It's a new year, new decade for moi, and all I can envision is a lot of beautiful open space with plenty of room to roam.

December 31, 2016

On The Eve

It's New Year's Eve and we are anxious to close out a very full 2016, heavy from the weight of so many downs and ups and downs. I'm certain that 2017 will carry much of the same -- thankfully we won't have to struggle through selling a house and the not knowing when we will be together under the same roof again.

Yesterday I was a chaperone for Carter's Robotics competition in Portland. On the way home, as four teenage boys slept and I drove in dark silence, I experienced for the first time what it's like to drive a kid to Portland, or anywhere out of town really, and not involve a hospital visit. It felt really wonderful. And kind of like a promise, like more of this feeling is still to come.

So there will always be a weight but the weight is lifting and shifting.

I have a few goals for the new year in mind, like taking photos of the kids, reading more, and knitting every day, and learning to play the piano again. I'm no longer a fan of words of the year but kind of like the idea of the phrase Search Party. I'm going to keep searching, opening my eyes, and I need to make it more of a bright party with lights and less of a dark appointment.

I always start with hope and end with hope, may that never end.